I haven’t been able to update my blog as much as I would like these days as my exams are coming up in 8 DAYS. This semester has gone by so fast and I think it has been my favourite semester so far in Medicine. I have really enjoyed every rotation we covered and started to feel more comfortable in the hospital. It is really surreal to imagine that in 18 months we will be junior doctors!!!! I am excited and grateful that I get to spend the rest of my life doing this.
I wanted to write this post for the last couple of days because I have been really inspired by this message.
There are so many opportunities for joy in this moment. There are so many opportunities for peace in this moment. But we are always too concerned with the next moment or the moment that has just past, that a joyful and peaceful life passes us by.
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
“I love her and that is the beginning and end of everything”
F. Scott Fitzgerald
This poem is about a promise I am going to make.
Lately, I felt an inner ache for a more peaceful and contemplative life. Over the last year, something has shifted inside me and my focuses have changed. Expanded, maybe. I want to be wholesome, not exclusive. After thinking a lot about how “small is wonderful” I began to cherish life in the smallest ways, to the biggest ways – in all the ways that life comes.
I have been contemplating how to live a bright, vibrant life and what this means to me. For me, this means to live with consciousness and presence.
To open up each moment and live in the essence of it. To pursue the quiet pastimes of reading, writing, thinking. I used to do a lot of that a few years ago, but as I started getting busy with other things (and sometimes busy with the wrong things), my practices of contemplation and solitude fell away. There’s nothing wrong with “busy”. But I want to be conscious of my “busy”. And I want to be happy during my “busy”.
If you want to change how your life feels there is a process to it. You first have to make the commitment to creating what you truly care about. In this way, your mind becomes organized and focused. Once your mind is focused, your emotions and feelings begin to re-arrange and organize themselves. Then comes your body and your vital life energies. They re-orient themselves to what you have focused on. Once these elements are pointing in the direction that you have committed to, your ability to create and manifest is awakened. And life will being to feel the way you want it to.
I would like to share with you some notes I written on what it is to live a quiet, contemplative life.
Sometimes I feel that so much of our day-to-day life has been digitized these days. And words, they have value, they have a purpose. Sometimes it feels like when you write on the internet, the words you write just evaporate. But when I hand write, I feel like it is a conscious act. The words, they live and breathe on the page. And because you are limited by space, ink, hands, every word has to count.
During the summertime my mom found a few of her old diaries from her early 20’s. We sat on the bed and read through them together. It was so wonderful to read the words of my young mother. I think back to my memories of my mother when I was small. I always picture her the same way; she has long thick black hair. Her face is young and glowing. Her eyes are big. She wears a long sea-foam blue skirt that dances in the wind. She used to wear skirts all the time back then. She laughs and plays with me. She pretends that the vacuum cleaner is going to eat my feet, and for a moment, I am truly delightfully terrified. She sits on the couch and reads really thick novels. I remember the covers of the novels clearly. One of them had a picture of a yellow meadow on it. She had a lot of books like this. Romance. Inside, the pages are thick and coffee stained. She used to read a lot.
This is how my mother exists in my memory. I often tell her this and she laughs and says it was not always this way.
But that’s how she existed in my 5 year old mind.
Anyway, we read these diaries together and I read the story of my mother’s life. I felt that it was such a valuable experience for me, as her daughter, to have. I was grateful for her writing.
I wonder what traces of myself I can leave for my own family one day. Or will they just google me and find the blazing trail I have left behind me on the internet?
No, I want something else to happen.
There are so few opportunities to handwrite these days. But I try to make it a point to handwrite when I can. And it has made all the difference.
Here are my notebooks.
What about you? Do you love to write? Do you love stationary too? What kind of things do you handwrite in your day to day life?
“Writing is painting of the mind”
My only intention is that every poem must become what it needs to be. Not a word more, and not a word less.
This poem is about finding my soulmate.