This is an oldie but a goldie. I wrote this post in 2010 and it is about the timeless nature of getting grounded.
I decided to re-write and repost it.
I use the word “grounded” a lot, and to me it means: getting real with yourself, and maintaining balance and harmony. You don’t have to be in a “stable life situation” to be grounded. Being grounded comes from within, and though it can be impacted by outward circumstances, it does not have to be. It is not a pre-requisite. You can go through a painful divorce, or a stressful period at work, and still be grounded. It’s going to be harder (than doing it when you’re on vacation – for example), but it is possible.
There are three general areas in our life that we can be grounded (or ungrounded): emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Usually when one of them gets a little bit out of whack, the other two also tend to follow. It kind of sucks that way. But that does also mean that if you start making improvements in one area, you will feel little changes in other areas too!
Getting emotionally grounded gives you more happiness.
Getting spiritually grounded gives you more strength in sense of self.
Getting physically grounded gives you more vitality and energy.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking..hmmm now how do I get me some of those?
Today we are going to talk about getting grounded Emotionally and how you can do it.
Read on to find out how to tell if you are Emotionally ungrounded….dun dun dun!
What does it feel like to not be grounded?
Not feeling grounded feels like waking up on the wrong side of the bed of your life. You’re not necessarily always in a bad mood (although, this is possible too) but everything just feels weird and off colour. The lights are on, but nobody is home. You’re spinning your wheels, but not getting very far. Your emotional compass is broken.
You don’t feel very stable.
You don’t know how to feel, and often just react on impulse.
Your inner dialogue (the way you talk to yourself in your mind) is not very nice (to say the least).
You find it hard to accept your own feelings or anyone elses feelings.
Suddenly, another persons opinion of you becomes very important.
You get defensive.
You feel indecisive about your life. From big life decisions (should I stay or should I go?) to the smaller, but equally important, ones (What do I want for lunch?). You want to decide, but you just don’t know!
People keep hurting your feelings.
It’s hard to fall asleep/ stay asleep/ wake up.
You think it’s a great idea to think about the most stressful and emotional things right before you sleep.
You feel very sensitive to other people’s moods and energies, often finding yourself riding their mood swings, just trying to keep afloat.
You cry too much.
(**I recently read in the AMAZING 10/10 book “Difficult Conversations - Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen” that “Crying a lot doesn’t mean that you are express yourself too much. It means you don’t express yourself enough.” So true!)
You don’t cry at all. (Whichever is more stranger for you)
You feel stressed, overwhlemed, uninspired, lazy (even though you have a voice in your head telling you to get up and get going – you just can’t make yourself do it.)
Everything that happens to you just feels unsatisfying.
Does anything sound familiar?
Hello, welcome to the world of not being grounded. It isn’t a very nice world and we will not be staying here long.
For me – this is my most difficult area to stay grounded, with my feet planted firmly into the earth. I’m naturally quite an emotional person, and I am very sensitive to…myself. It sounds strange to say it – but I am very sensitive to my own thoughts, feelings, judgements, feelings of being judged, goals, fears etc etc.
It is easiest for me to get out of balance in this area. Knowing this gives me great power because it keeps me aware of what to work on the most. Take some time to think about which area you struggle with the most to keep in shape?
So what happens when you are emotionally grounded?
First of all, go back to the list of all the things happen when you are not emotionally grounded, and flip them around. That’s what happens. You do feel stable. You do know how to feel and don’t act out of impulse. You hold nice beliefs about yourself. You treat yourself well. You get the idea…
Basically, being emotionally grounded is good for you. It’s good for relationships. It’s good (if not ESSENTIAL) to be happy with your partner. It’s good in maintaining a healthy family dynamic.
Most fundamentally, it’s good for actually enjoying yourself. For liking who you are. It’s good for hanging out with yourself and feeling okay with it. It’s good for feeling like a kind, honorable and integral person. Now those are sexy attributes!
I don’t want to be all “floaty” and “conceptual” (though I love to be) about getting grounded, because in reality, it is not floaty or conceptual. There are very real things you can do to get that feeling of whole, and completeness.
And to start feeling real again.
Here are some things we can do to get emotionally grounded. And believe me, I’m right there with you, doing them too.
1. Let go of toxic people, relationships and things
Loser boyfriend, overbearing co-worker, depressing best friend. Smoking, drinking, drugs, binge eating.Whatever. I’m not here to tell you what’s good or bad. It’s a personal choice. You know yourself, and you know what doesn’t feel good for your heart and mind. Let it go.
2. Do loving things
How do you express your love? What does being loving mean to you? For me, it means baking cookies, looking pretty, giving hugs and kisses, listening to a friend, being there for someone, practicing thoughtful gestures, giving sincere compliments, telling someone how you feel, wanting the best for someone, being positive, doing the best for someone, making someone their favourite meal, making yourself your favourite meal, practicing random acts of kindness, smiling, just being NICE!
Find out what being loving means to you and start spreading the love, even if you don’t really feel like it (and if you are emotionally ungrounded, you probably don’t feel like it much.)
3. Practice random acts of kindness
Whenever I want to feel better about myself or my day, I do a random act of kindness. It doesn’t matter what it is. But it means stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something for someone else. It could be a random but genuine compliment to a stranger, paying for someones coffee etc. There are so many and they are an instant mood lifter, and also get your good karma flowin’!
4. Write down a list of what is truly bothering you
Getting emotionally grounded doesn’t mean ignoring what’s bothering you, because your cause for concern may be legit. Write it down. Part of the stress we have comes from not being organized enough. The stress and fear comes from having many “open loops” and unfinished business that you have no way of tracking the progress. Organize your self and your thoughts. Spend some time asking some self-reflective questions to find out what feels wrong.
Take a piece of paper, or open microsoft word, and on the top, write “WHAT FEELS WRONG IN MY LIFE?”
5. Spend time with a great and happy friend.
You know what’s great? Kat. This is Kat and her boyfriend.
You know what’s also great? Chocolate crepe dates with Kat. Which we have a lot. It’s important to have friends like this who are happy and positive. Who listen to you when you need it and tell you to get out of your funk when you need to.
So find one and connect. And if you don’t have one yet, make one.
6. Hand over your problems to the universe to kick some divine butt!!
Sometimes it’s exhausting and hopeless to think that you have to do all the work yourself. But you don’t have to. Hello divine intervention, how awesome are you?! The thing with divine intervention is that you have to ask for it, because otherwise your guides and angels will, by default, respect your free will and let you do your thang. But if you need help, ask for it. If you need a sign, some guidance or just a big universal hug, ask for it.
There are many ways you can do this. You could say it out loud “Yo, Universe/Angels/Spirit guides (Whatever you want to call it), please help me with _______.”
You could write a letter or e-mail like I did here.
Or, if you are short for words, just make a bullet point list of the things you wouldn’t mind some heavenly assistance in and leave it.
Let it go. It will be done.
7. Start a new project.
When you are emotionally ungrounded you are not making a very big commitment to yourself. You’re probably not making a commitment to much at all. So, to get started, make a commitment to something. Start a new project. Get those creative juices flowing. It could be to create a reading list and follow it, start going to the gym, learn a new skill, make a scrap book, start a blog. Just start something new. Get interested and interesting again.
8. Think about what YOU want.
Start getting into the habit of being decisive. It might be uncomfortable at first, but after some time you will start to get a deeper and stronger connection to what you really want. Make small decisions for yourself every day. Small ones and big ones. As long as you are the one who is making them.
Think about what you want in your life. And think about how you can finally get on the path to making that a reality.
9. Work on developing a stronger sense of self
10. Do little things you like doing
What do you like doing? Do it. Little things. Small things. Just get in the habit of doing little things every day that you enjoy. They don’t all have to be extravagent. For me, it’s simple things like making sure I have time to read my book before I sleep, or getting the chance to journal, blog, or review my goals in my “life book” (Am I the only one this lame? Does anyone else have a “life book”?). Other things I do like, buying new socks, getting a latte at a cafe, going for a walk, buy new underwear, put on a facepack, dates with my dreamy boyfriend, baking, buy new books, get my eyebrows threaded, get my hair done, manicures, pedicures, massages, taking photographs…
That sort of thing. Make a list of little things you enjoy, and try to do one a day for…ever! And enjoy it!
11. Make some new commitments and promises to yourself
As I mentioned before, the problem with being emotionally ungrounded is that you, for some reason, refuse to make a true commitment to yourself. Maybe you’re afraid, or lazy, or discouraged. But that’s the way it is. So, after you start doing some of the other things on the list, after a week or so, start thinking of what promises and commitments can you make for yourself. By this point you will be more up to the challenge.
Have fun with this! I will post the spiritually grounded and physically grounded parts of this series soon so keep watching. I am in the process of doing all of these things right now, because I am so ready to get out of this funk! How about you? What do you do to get out of your emotional funk?