Theme:  Updating and creating new organizational systems.

Currently:

- Things are not organized.

- Things are not orderly.

- Things are taking longer than they would if I implemented a more efficient routine/system.

My task:

I want everything in my living space to reflect a use or need.

I want the things I use regularly and daily to be easy to access and have an organized home so that they can be put back into their place efficiently.

I want the other things that are necessary but that I don’t use that often to be hidden.

Improvements:

- Organize different areas of my living space, area by area.

- Create some kind of storage technique to keep my bathroom clutter free.

- Organize “stuff” so that the things I use are easily accessible (but in a pretty way).

- Organize “stuff” so that the things I use but don’t use often are hidden (but in a pretty way.)

- Upgrade my already implemented “organizing systems” such as laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, readings, studying.  Ex: Is there a way I can do it faster and better?

Focus:

This week is not necessarily about DOING things things faster and better, but setting up the foundation TO DO them faster and better in the future. We all need these occasional “behind the scenes” theme weeks, in order to make sure things are working well on the inside – that we have a well oiled machine.

I also decided to choose a theme for the week that was slightly less time consuming because this week is short and busy one for me. First of all, it’s Valentines day on Tuesday which is the best day ever and I am soooooooooo excited. I am also going to Dublin with my girlfriends for shopping, cute cafes, photographs, flowy dresses, hotel room slumber parties and wine. Eeeeek!

Make it your own:

Remember, weekly life themes are quite personal. This is what I need to do in my life right now, for me to feel more OK. If you are in the same boat, join me. And if you are not quite, then adjust the theme to work better for you. You could have an entirely different one, or you could adapt this theme. Essentially this theme is about organization. What kind of improvements could you make this week to organize things better in your life? What changes would you have to make? Take this week to figure out what you need to organize better in your life. Write them down, and let’s get to it!

See you on the other side of awesomeness!

m

—

Hello everyone! How did you find your de-cluttering theme of the week? I continued the challenge till today to give me more time (I needed it!) and also to start the next cycle on a Monday, rather than a Wednesday. I got rid of so much junk that accumulated in my room. I haven’t even started to tackle my wardrobe and shoe collection yet. I’m going to set aside a separate week for that one because it’s hard to get rid of clothes and shoes (even if I don’t wear them)! It takes more emotional courage for me.

This week I am working on….

Theme: Studying/Work

Currently: I study, but I don’t have a sustained feeling of effort and accomplishment. My study schedule is not always regular either. One day I might do 4 hours of extra work (a totally win day), and then the next day I can barely put in 15 minutes. Then it feels like I have just cancelled out my prior effort. I think that success with my studying comes through consistency and regularity (rather than random bursts).

My task: For the next week I am going to study for 3 hours every single day. It doesn’t sound like much, but when it’s on top of classes and labs it is more challenging to find the time/focus. But…imma do it.

Improvements:

- Take a week to catch up on school: If I put in one week of consistent effort, it WILL make a difference. Every solid hour of studying that I do, makes a difference.

—

When you are writing your weekly theme into your Lifebook  make sure you take the time to review your “Current situation”. Then you can see what kind of improvement you have made in a weeks time. 

—

“What about me? What about if I’m not in school or studying. I want to play “

Find similar improvements relevant to YOUR life, under the theme of “Focus/work”.

Could you set yourself a challenge to put in at least an 1 (or more?) into some kind of extra work in your day? What kind of work project would you use that hour for?

This week your challenge is to devote at least 1 hour (or more) each day to some kind of work that you need to do.

Imagine what just a week of sustained and consistent effort and time could do to your work load.

Good luck to all of us. I know this will be a challenge for me.

malavika xo

For me, creating a lifebook is the love-child of both; my obsession with stationary and my obsession with planning and documenting my life.

I love journals (Moleskine in particular).I have so many journals. So many! And sadly, most of them are unused. I don’t even want to use them for the fear of wrecking them. Journals are something that I both don’t need and desperately need simultaneously. Ick!

I finally found a good use for my beautiful journal. A lifebook.

So what is a Lifebook? A Lifebook is your personal workbook for your life.

For me, it is the perfect balance between art and productivity/planning. I like art, but not always enough to fill an entire journal.

I’m going to pretend you find it as fascinating as I do, and tell you how to make your own life book!

Source: blogdelanine.blogspot.com via lemelimelodeval on Pinterest

First of all you need to buy a beautiful blank journal. Decorate it how you wish. Make it beautiful!

Here are some suggestions of pages and topics I use in my lifebook:

Books read: A list of books you have read this year, along with a rating for the book. If you are a movie lover, you could also have a “Movies watched in 2012″ page too.

Weekly meal plans: Every Sunday night, make a plan for what you plan on eating every day of that week.

Weekly themes: What is your Life Theme of the week? What area of your life would you like to focus on upgrading this week? How do you plan on doing it? Identify the title. Then make a list of: 1. the things you need to do in order to fullfill your life theme. 2.  What habits would you need to acquire to fulfill this life theme?  3. What improvements would you like to see in this area of your life?

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read this my blog post on Life themes.

Monthly Habits: It’s nice to work on developing one new habit a month. That’s 12 new good habits a year. A pretty good way to re-write some of the unconscious hard wiring of your life. It takes around 21 days of consistent action to create a new habit, so try a 30 day trial of new habits to see how they fit in your life. So, every month, take a moment to decide what you habit you want to try out – and every day for that month, make it your priority to make sure that habit happens! Examples of habits are: Cleaning, cooking, networking, rising early etc etc.

Goals: Your goals for the year are an absolutely essential component of your lifebook! Along with writing out your goals, you could also have separate pages for tracking your progress. For example, if your goal was to read 25 Novels in the year, you could also have a page to keep track of the books you read in the year.

Weekly Achievements: A couple of years ago, I not only made a list of my goals and resolutions for the year, but also a list of all the cool things I’ve achieved in the previous year. Some were small private accomplishments, and some were bigger and brighter. But they all represented success in some form. In the new year, I could set my new year goals and also exercise gratitude for all the great things I have experienced, the goals I achieved. 

Then for the next year I stopped doing that, and then on new year, I felt like I achieved nothing all year. It was a great feeling..NOT.

It’s important to document our successes as well as our goals. We need a To-Do list and a Done list. Every week, make a small note of little accomplishments you made in that week. Most of the time they may be small like “I finished my book _____”,  or “I consistently studied for 3 hours” every day”, or “Called an old friend that I haven’t spoken to in 3 years”.

Creative Projects: I randomly get ideas of things I want to do, things I want to create, projects I want to start. It could be things like blog posts I want to write or  recipes I want to try or simple DIY craft projects I want to create. Here’s a personal example. Recently I’ve become absolutely obsessed about drinking milkshakes (and other drinks) from a jar. It sounds weird and kind of unimportant, but it is important to me!  I think it looks pretty, and interesting!

Source: acozykitchen.com via KaTaKy on Pinterest

How awesome does that look? It looks delicious. I can’t wait to try it! Other examples would be to create a Photobook, bake cinnamon rolls, photograph myself every day to see how I change , write an e-book, create a short film, take part in the 365 photos (one photograph a day) challenge etc.

It’s important to me to write down these ideas, because often when I get them, I don’t always have the resources or time to act on them right away. So I keep them in storage for a rainy day. They make me happy.

Intentions and Focuses: Set aside a couple of pages to write down your intentions and focuses. Areas you want to improve and focus on. Goals for your mind and spirit. Things like “Be more positive” or “Set boundaries on my time, resources and energy”

Gratitude page: A list of things you are grateful for. Maybe do 3 a day?

Magical moments: Eeach time you experience a moment in your life that is magical and meaningful, take a moment to write it down. It could be something funny/touching that your child tells you, or a special date you went on with your boyfriend. Moments that reveal the magic in your life.

Most Important Tasks: You can also use some pages in your lifebook to write down your three most important tasks of the day the night before. In the morning, you quickly review, and make it your life-purpose to complete these three most important tasks before the day is over. It helps you focus on what’s important.

Relationship goals: A monthly anniversary is usually too short to celebrate in most relationships, but I like to take each monthly anniversary with my love to think about 3 changes I could make to make our relationship stronger and better. I write these down in my lifebook so that I can review them next month and see how well I stuck to them.

—

**Generally I don’t write my daily to-do lists in my Lifebook. I don’t want to clutter it up too much. I use a different book for this.

** I start a new Lifebook every year.

** Remember to make your Lifebook your own. Add more pages, change some pages, make it beautiful, and get creative. Fill it with doodles and quotes and colour and prettyness. Lifebooks make great memories to look back over the previous years.

How about you guys? Would you like to make your own life book? Do you have a similar system?  What do you use to plan, organize and document your life? What kind of creative ideas do you have? Do you have any questions? 

—

And now…I’m late for class.

Adios!

I decided to re-write and repost it.

I use the word “grounded” a lot, and to me it means: getting real with yourself, and maintaining balance and harmony. You don’t have to be in a “stable life situation” to be grounded. Being grounded comes from within, and though it can be impacted by outward circumstances, it does not have to be. It is not a pre-requisite. You can go through a painful divorce, or a stressful period at work, and still be grounded. It’s going to be harder (than doing it when you’re on vacation – for example), but it is possible.

There are three general areas in our life that we can be grounded (or ungrounded): emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Usually when one of them gets a little bit out of whack, the other two also tend to follow. It kind of sucks that way. But that does also mean that if you start making improvements in one area, you will feel little changes in other areas too!

Getting emotionally grounded gives you more happiness.

Getting spiritually grounded gives you more strength in sense of self.

Getting  physically grounded gives you more vitality and energy.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking..hmmm now how do I get me some of those?

Today we are going to talk about getting grounded Emotionally and how you can do it.

Read on to find out how to tell if you are Emotionally ungrounded….dun dun dun!

What does it feel like to not be grounded? 

It sucks.

Not feeling grounded feels like waking up on the wrong side of the bed of your life. You’re not necessarily always in a bad mood (although, this is possible too) but everything just feels weird and off colour.  The lights are on, but nobody is home. You’re spinning your wheels, but not getting very far. Your emotional compass is broken.

Emotionally….

You don’t feel very stable.

You don’t know how to feel, and often just react on impulse.

Your inner dialogue (the way you talk to yourself in your mind) is not very nice (to say the least).

You find it hard to accept your own feelings or anyone elses feelings.

Suddenly, another persons opinion of you becomes very important.

You get defensive.

You feel indecisive about your life. From big life decisions (should I stay or should I go?) to the smaller, but equally important, ones (What do I want for lunch?). You want to decide, but you just don’t know!

People keep hurting your feelings.

It’s hard to fall asleep/ stay asleep/ wake up.

You think it’s a great idea to think about the most stressful and emotional things right before you sleep.

You feel very sensitive to other people’s moods and energies, often finding yourself riding their mood swings, just trying to keep afloat.

You cry too much.

(**I recently read in the AMAZING 10/10 book “Difficult Conversations - Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen” that “Crying a lot doesn’t mean that you are express yourself too much. It means you don’t express yourself enough.” So true!)

You don’t cry at all. (Whichever is more stranger for you)

You feel stressed, overwhlemed, uninspired, lazy (even though you have a voice in your head telling you to get up and get going – you just can’t make yourself do it.)

Everything that happens to you just feels unsatisfying.

—-

Does anything sound familiar?

Hello, welcome to the world of not being grounded. It isn’t a very nice world and we will not be staying here long.

For me – this is my most difficult area to stay grounded, with my feet planted firmly into the earth. I’m naturally quite an emotional person, and I am very sensitive to…myself. It sounds strange to say it – but I am very sensitive to my own thoughts, feelings, judgements, feelings of being judged, goals, fears etc etc.

It is easiest for me to get out of balance in this area. Knowing this gives me great power because it keeps me aware of what to work on the most. Take some time to think about which area you struggle with the most to keep in shape?

So what happens when you are emotionally grounded?

First of all, go back to the list of all the things happen when you are not emotionally grounded, and flip them around. That’s what happens. You do feel stable. You do know how to feel and don’t act out of impulse. You hold nice beliefs about yourself. You treat yourself well. You get the idea…

Basically, being emotionally grounded is good for you. It’s good for relationships. It’s good (if not ESSENTIAL) to be happy with your partner. It’s good in maintaining a healthy family dynamic.

Most fundamentally, it’s good for actually enjoying yourself. For liking who you are. It’s good for hanging out with yourself and feeling okay with it. It’s good for feeling like a kind, honorable and integral person. Now those are sexy attributes!

I don’t want to be all “floaty” and “conceptual” (though I love to be) about getting grounded, because in reality, it is not floaty or conceptual. There are very real things you can do to get that feeling of whole, and completeness.

And to start feeling real again.

Here are some things we can do to get emotionally grounded. And believe me, I’m right there with you, doing them too.

1. Let go of toxic people, relationships and things

Loser boyfriend, overbearing co-worker, depressing best friend. Smoking, drinking, drugs, binge eating.Whatever. I’m not here to tell you what’s good or bad. It’s a personal choice. You know yourself, and you know what doesn’t feel good for your heart and mind. Let it go.

2. Do loving things

How do you express your love? What does being loving mean to you? For me, it means baking cookies, looking pretty, giving hugs and kisses, listening to a friend, being there for someone, practicing thoughtful gestures, giving sincere compliments, telling someone how you feel, wanting the best for someone, being positive, doing the best for someone, making someone their favourite meal, making yourself your favourite meal, practicing random acts of kindness, smiling, just being NICE!

Find out what being loving means to you and start spreading the love, even if you don’t really feel like it (and if you are emotionally ungrounded, you probably don’t feel like it much.)

3. Practice random acts of kindness

Whenever I want to feel better about myself or my day, I do a random act of kindness. It doesn’t matter what it is. But it means stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something for someone else. It could be a random but genuine compliment to a stranger, paying for someones coffee etc. There are so many and they are an instant mood lifter, and also get your good karma flowin’!

4. Write down a list of what is truly bothering you

Getting emotionally grounded doesn’t mean ignoring what’s bothering you, because your cause for concern may be legit. Write it down. Part of the stress we have comes from not being organized enough. The stress and fear comes from having many “open loops” and unfinished business that you have no way of tracking the progress. Organize your self and your thoughts. Spend some time asking some self-reflective questions to find out what feels wrong.

Take a piece of paper, or open microsoft word, and on the top, write “WHAT FEELS WRONG IN MY LIFE?”

And write.

5. Spend time with a great and happy friend.

You know what’s great? Kat. This is Kat and her boyfriend.

You know what’s also great? Chocolate crepe dates with Kat. Which we have a lot. It’s important to have friends like this who are happy and positive. Who listen to you when you need it and tell you to get out of your funk when you need to.

So find one and connect. And if you don’t have one yet, make one.

6. Hand over your problems to the universe to kick some divine butt!!

Sometimes it’s exhausting and hopeless to think that you have to do all the work yourself. But you don’t have to. Hello divine intervention, how awesome are you?!  The thing with divine intervention is that you have to ask for it, because otherwise your guides and angels will, by default, respect your free will and let you do your thang. But if you need help, ask for it. If you need a sign, some guidance or just a big universal hug, ask for it.

There are many ways you can do this. You could say it out loud “Yo, Universe/Angels/Spirit guides (Whatever you want to call it), please help me with _______.”

You could write a letter or e-mail like I did here.

Or, if you are short for words, just make a bullet point list of the things you wouldn’t mind some heavenly assistance in and leave it.

Let it go. It will be done.

7. Start a new project.

When you are emotionally ungrounded you are not making a very big commitment to yourself. You’re probably not making a commitment to much at all. So, to get started, make a commitment to something. Start a new project. Get those creative juices flowing. It could be to create a reading list and follow it, start going to the gym, learn a new skill, make a scrap book, start a blog. Just start something new. Get interested and interesting again.

8. Think about what YOU want.

Start getting into the habit of being decisive. It might be uncomfortable at first, but after some time you will start to get a deeper and stronger connection to what you really want. Make small decisions for yourself every day. Small ones and big ones. As long as you are the one who is making them.

Think about what you want in your life. And think about how you can finally get on the path to making that a reality.

9. Work on developing a stronger sense of self

Read this post. 

10. Do little things you like doing

What do you like doing? Do it. Little things. Small things. Just get in the habit of doing little things every day that you enjoy. They don’t all have to be extravagent. For me, it’s simple things like making sure I have time to read my book before I sleep, or getting the chance to journal, blog, or review my goals in my “life book” (Am I the only one this lame? Does anyone else have a “life book”?). Other things I do like, buying new socks, getting a latte at a cafe, going for a walk, buy new underwear, put on a facepack, dates with my dreamy boyfriend, baking, buy new books, get my eyebrows threaded, get my hair done, manicures, pedicures, massages, taking photographs…

That sort of thing. Make a list of little things you enjoy, and try to do one a day for…ever! And enjoy it!

11. Make some new commitments and promises to yourself

As I mentioned before, the problem with being emotionally ungrounded is that you, for some reason, refuse to make a true commitment to yourself. Maybe you’re afraid, or lazy, or discouraged. But that’s the way it is. So, after you start doing some of the other things on the list, after a week or so, start thinking of what promises and commitments can you make for yourself. By this point you will be more up to the challenge.

—-

Have fun with this! I will post the spiritually grounded and physically grounded parts of this series soon so keep watching. I am in the process of doing all of these things right now, because I am so ready to get out of this funk! How about you? What do you do to get out of your emotional funk?

With love,

Malavika

Did you read my previous post about Life Themes – a way to organize making changes in your life? My theme for this week is De-cluttering. Are you stuck for a theme?  Let’s do it together. Team support and all that. We start tomorrow. So here’s our plan for the week, it’s pretty simple really:

Theme: De-cluttering

Our goal: Get rid of all the things in our home that we don’t need or love.

How we are going to do it:

1. Split your household into different areas/regions/rooms.

2. Each day spend at least 30 minutes a day in that area of your home decluttering (1 hour would be awesome: You could split it up into two 30 minute sessions, or four 15 minute de-cluttering parties.)

There. That’s it. It’s that simple. After a week of doing this, we WILL notice a difference. Let’s make more space in our lives for the things we love.

We have one week. You may feel that it is too short and you need longer. That’s fine. But first complete the week, before deciding to extend your deadline. Just put in a week. Move from room to room, every day, even if you don’t complete a room completely. The purpose of a week is to make a solid foundation of change. It’s up to you where you take it from there.

Are you down?

This is a blog post about making your life better.

If you want to make your life more beautiful, more cozy, more successful, more productive, more meaningful, more balanced, more organized, more fun and just generally more awesome – it ain’t going to happen over night.

For the sake of simplicity I am going to use the word “better” to encompass all of those attributes (beautiful, cozy, successful, productive etc.) So, how do you make your life better?

By making improvements.

By making improvements, you upgrade your life. You level up. Improvements must be made consistently, and you must put in a sustained and focused effort.

Today,we are going to organize your improvements, and carefully craft a plan for taking action. It isn’t good feeling “I really need to make some changes in my life!” but having no idea where to start. Today, we are going to figure out where to start. And tomorrow, you start.

So, let’s get organized.

Life themes

I feel like my life always adopts a particular “theme” which changes over a certain period time.  By theme, I just mean a general focus: a sense of direction where mentally I’m thinking “Okay, for this next little while I want to focus on _____.” The themes are always focused in self-development and self-betterment. It’s very overwhelming to try to improve everything at once so making a clear “theme” for a certain period of time, makes it not only fun, but also more manageable. I can also re visit themes later just to amplify their effect.

I am unsure if my self-designated themes arise out of experiences, challenges and circumstances that occur in my life, and thus inspire me to think “What kind of theme are they showing me?” or if I choose a theme and then my validating experiences follow. It’s a standard – which came first, the chicken or the egg – dilemma.

Ok, give me some examples of themes.

Here is an elaborated look into a particular theme concerning your wardrobe and your personal style.

Theme: Your wardrobe/How you dress/Your personal style

You think: I would really like to change my style a little bit, de-clutter my wardrobe and buy some new clothes that would suit me more.

My task: For the next week, I am going to put my focus into making improvements and upgrades in this area of my life.

Possible improvements:

♥ Throw out old socks and buy myself completely new socks!

♥ Make an extra effort to wear matching underwear every day.

♥ Make an extra effort to dress well every day

♥ Update my wardrobe by buy new: pjs, underwear…etc etc.

♥ Get rid of clothes in my wardrobe that I do not love or wear.

♥ Sell/ give away some items of clothing I don’t wear.

♥ Changing your current style and thinking about how you would like others to perceive your dress sense, and updating your wardrobe accordingly.

—-

There are many, many, many more themes. Here are some more examples:

♥ Make your life cozier.

♥ Spiritual groundedness/your spiritual practice.

♥ Emotional maturity in your relationships.

♥ Fitness and health.

♥ Healthy eating.

♥ Maintaining relationships/ Expanding your network.

♥ Your hobby or interest

♥ Fears your want to overcome

♥ Study skills

♥ Organization and planning

♥ Cooking skills

♥ Finances

♥ Your body

♥ School or work.

♥ Hair

♥ Beauty

♥ Fixing broken things

♥ Your sleeping pattern.

♥ DIY/Craft

♥ Updating items you have (electronics, supplies, books, etc…the list is endless!)

There are tonns. And they are personal, and don’t have to make sense to anybody else but you. These are just the words I would use to describe different focuses that I may come across in my life. You may use different words, or have different priorities coming up at different times.

What do themes consist of?

Once you decide on what theme you would like to focus on for one week, you break it down into it’s component parts as I did with the “Wardrobe” theme example. You will see that every theme gives you the following three things:

Things to do.

Themes will give you a number of things to do. When you make a particular area of your life a “focus” for the time being, many of the improvements will involve you having to DO something. Like GO to the gym. or DECLUTTER your wardrobe. or LEARN a new recipe.

A focus.

Themes will also give you a focus. A distinct area of increased awareness. A direction. It doesn’t matter what other “themes” come to mind, for the next week, all you need is a week to get yourself going in this one particular area. Instead of taking lots of insignificant action in many areas of your life, a theme gives you the focus to start taking significant action in one specific area of your life. You will notice a difference.

A new habit or two.

At the backbone of a life theme, lies a new habit, just waiting for you to pick it up Learning new (good!) habits is extremly important to sustaining your focuses. This takes more than a week to develop, but focusing on a theme gives you a good starting point because it lets you figure it out what new habits you need to develop are in the first place.

—–

Is a week too short?

Is a week too short to create a new habit? Yes.

But is a week too short to start a new habit? No. Is a week too short to become aware of what new habits you need? No.

Is a week is long enough to make a considerable dent (the good kind) in your life. A week is long enough to get you going on the right path.

A week is long enough to make a difference. A week is long enough to see changes. A week is long enough to get things done.

What you need to do:

Choose a life theme you want to focus on. Pick one you want, or a random one, or pick the one your life seems to be naturally gravitating towards. Pick any. It doesn’t matter which, because any of them are going to make your life better. Choose an area of your life that you would like to “upgrade”.

This is your life theme. For now.

For the next week, you are going to put your focus into making small little improvements in this area. It’s going to be fun!

Once you have picked your theme, take the time to explore it. What kind of changes would you like to see in this area of your life? What do you have to do in order to really fullfill this theme to its maximum potential?

What things do you need to do?

What kind of new perspective does living this theme give you? What kind of mental work does this theme require?

What new habits will you have to explore in order to sustain the changes you make?

—-

If you like, you could follow along with me while I go from theme to theme. It could be fun together! The last few weeks I have been caught in a rut (Sad face) , and I think it is definitely time to get out. So, I could use the inspiration! Let me know if you want to be life theme buddies!

The life theme I want to begin with is De Cluttering. Getting rid of everything I own that I don’t love or need. 

But more on that (and how I plan on implementing it) later

I hope this helped get you started! 

A couple of weeks ago, we had a photoshoot with Alex Zarodov, a photographer here in Galway. I wanted to share this post with you to give you a brief introduction to breakdancing, because I realized that most of my readers probably don’t breakdance or don’t know much about breakdancing (if I’m wrong – let me know!).

Toprock

First and foremost, the most important aspect of breaking is the dancing! In bboying language, this is called the Toprock.  That means this is where you rock up top!  It is hard to take photograph a dance, but I think the photographer, Alex, captured the attitude and movement quite well!

Freezes

These pretty things are called Freezes. Freezes are “performed” throughout your set, usually on an emphasized beat of the music. The official term for this is “killing the beat”. As you can see, most of the more complex freezes require a great deal of strength and balance.  I would write more about it, but I am trying not to because Konstantin likes to make fun of me and quote silly things I write in my blog the next time he sees me, which by the way, I DO NOT ENJOY when he does this. As I write this, I can already hear his voice in my head saying “Did you know that Freezes are performed throughout your set, usually on an emphasized beat of the music???” Ugh!

Power Moves

Tomas, in his happy place.

Power moves are usually the “WOW” part of the bboy set, which involve things like headspins, airflares, windmills, handglides, turtles, and other impressive maneuvers that make you think “How do they even make their body move like that?! Where does that momentum come from?”

I don’t have the answer to these questions. Once I can do some of them, I will let you know.

Generally looking cool.

There are also other parts of your set, such as your footwork (all those spinny round things you see breakdancers do on the floor)  and of course there is much more to breakdancing than I have described here. But, I’m a noobie, and so are you, so for now, let’s just look at the pictures and thinking “OoOOoOh!”

This is how b-boys meditate!

PHOTO CREDIT: ALEX ZARODOV

http://www.alexzarodov.com

Defensiveness is not a productive use of your energy. You spend all your energy trying to preserve your sense of self, that you end up giving away more energy in your reaction, when you could keep it within you and use it to restore your sense of calm, balance and security. Once you find your sense of calm, balance and security, you could then use the left over energy to start implementing changes in your life.

These are the two faces of defensiveness:

Total denial

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Person: You are just so selfish.

Defensive person: No I am certainly not selfish at all. I have never been selfish in my life. Here is a list of reasons why you are wrong. And here is a list of times when I was not selfish. Now, tell me, would a selfish person do that? No. You know what? You’re the selfish one, asshole!

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The first and most common way that defensiveness manifests is in the form of total denial. It is the almost instinctual and reflexive reaction you have to say “NO. WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS NOT TRUE. STOP SAYING IT. STOP THINKING IT. STOP BELIEVING IT, AND LET ME CONTINUE LIVING IN THE WAY THAT I CONSIDER GOOD AND TRUE.”

When you are in total-denial, exploring and understanding what lead the person to make such a remark is the last thing on your mind, nevermind actually changing any behaviour. All you want to do is defend and preserve yourself.

Total-denial is stupid. We are far too complex as human beings to be totally-anything. Our intentions are rarely black and white, good or bad, angelic or evil.

“You are just so selfish.” as much as it hurts to hear it, if you think about it realistically, instead of thinking”No, I am never selfish”, perhaps a more apt thought would be “What have I done to make you think I am selfish? I can see why you would think that was selfish of me. I can be selfish at times and there are also times when I am not selfish. In this situation I don’t feel that I was selfish, but after hearing your take on what happened, I can at least see why you would come to that conclusion.”

Total acceptance

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Person: You are just so incapable of getting anything right! I can’t depend on you for anything.

Defensive person: I know I’m worthless alright?  You’re right. I never seem to get anything right. I guess that’s just me. You are right about me. Things just go wrong, and I am never in control – that’s just who I am. I probably can’t ever change, so why should I even try?

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At the other end of the defensiveness-spectrum lies the art of “Total acceptance” or submission. This is where you act as if what this person has said to you is the only information you have ever received about yourself, and you cling to it like some kind of sacred and holy description of you. You play the role of the victim (and deep inside, you enjoy it). Playing the victim is a dangerous and self-fulfilling game to play.

Okay, so what should I do instead of getting defensive?

1. Whenever you feel the urge to react QUICKLY to someones comment or opinion, don’t.

It may be surprising, but there are actually few moments in life that require an immediate emotional reaction. An example of one would be if there was a train hurtling towards your mother – then it’s okay to react QUICKLY. But if you don’t see a train, then stop.

Whatever you heard may trigger an intense emotional reaction within you, but that too, with time, will simmer down. You can’t always control your emotions, but you can control your behaviour.

Whenever you want to react quickly to something, we are overwhelmed with a false sense of urgency. Just as reacting quickly to seeing an oncoming train aimed at your mother would illicit a “Life and death” scenario, when someone throws a hurtful or judgmental comment your way, your ego also illicits a “life and death” reaction regarding your self preservation. But this is a false sense of urgency, and is your egos way of tricking yourself into thinking that what someone else thinks of you is as important as staying alive.

What a false concept!

2. Don’t blindy deny anything.

I know it seems like an almost natural reaction to defend yourself against what appears to be false accusations and unfair judgements or criticisms. Try to resist this urge for a while. Replace the urge to deny with the urge to ask questions.  Ask questions to find out why they think the way do they, and how they came to the conclusions they have come to. It may seem that your identity is at stake, but it is only at stake if you put it on the line. Keep your sense of identity and sense of self, strong and powerful inside of you. There is no danger. Relax. Ask questions.

3. Don’t blindly accept anything.

At the other end of the spectrum you may think you are being super helpful by blindly accepting everything you hear. But you’re not being helpful. You’re making things more difficult for yourself, especially if you haven’t given yourself a chance to truly contemplate the information you have received about yourself. Replace the urge to blindly accept comments about yourself, with the urge to look at the bigger picture.

As I mentioned previously, no one is “always” anything. Try to think about this objectively.

If someone says to you “you are mean.” instead of thinking “they are right, I must be a mean person.” try to think “What makes them come to the conclusion that I was mean? There are times when I have acted in a mean spirited way, and there have been times when I have been friendly and nice.”

You don’t even need to say all of this stuff out loud, which is why you need to ….

4. Take time to contemplate the new information you have been given about yourself.

Don’t feel as though you:

- SHOULD know how you feel: It’s okay to not know how you feel about something right away. Take some time to think about it.

- SHOULD prove or disprove what you have heard right away: Take time to gather both sides of the story, taking into account what you know for sure, and what you don’t know for sure, and then say something of substance. Don’t try to just throw everything out there at once just for the sake of self preservation.

- SHOULD have something to say: “I think I need to just take some time to think about what you said, and I will get back to you to discuss it further” is ok.

- SHOULD do something with the information you have heard right away: You don’t have to make any changes or do anything at all until you decide that you feel okay with that. No one has to bully you into feeling shitty, or making changes you don’t understand, just because for that moment, they were more assertive.

5. Make up your own mind.

Our goal is to finally get to a stage where we can judge the accuracy of criticisms and compliments for ourself. Our goal is to rid ourself of our instant aversion against difficult conversations, and instead approach them with an open mind. Our goal is to make up our own mind about ourselves, to think about what people may say about us with objectivity and detachment, and decide how true something may be. After all, we are the best people for the job. No one knows us the way we do. They can offer new information, perhaps bringing to light information that was in our blindspot, and may be hard to face, but it is our duty to decide what we must do with it.

The moral of the story is: Don’t waste your time or energy getting defensive. Lose the ego. If you want to be in an intimate relationship with any other human being, sometimes you just gotta lose the ego. It may make you feel vulnerable as hell but that’s just the price you got to pay sometimes, but the rewards are sweet. In life you will have to face some hard things. Some of those things will be hard just because they are “hard”. But many of them will be hard only because they show you an aspect of yourself that you are not ready to face and accept. Sometimes people can make it easier for you by saying things like “You know, you’re selfish/mean/irresponsible/not dependable/untrustworthy” even though it’s going to feel shitty to hear it, deep, deep, (DEEP) inside, they are actually doing you a favour because they are bringing to light something new to consider. It ain’t always going to be pretty to see darker aspects of yourself that are hard to accept but if you communicate well, and look at things objectively, you will be fine. Stay curious. Define yourself. Make your own decisions about yourself. Think about things and don’t always act out of impulse. 

The end.

This is Cape Town, through my eyes.

zen

The lines of the city.

My little brother.

A woman smoking at the edge of Table Mountain.

Sitting.

A little baboon family playing on the side of the road. Our tour guide was saying how Baboons are a real nuisance and have been known to jump into cars, and steal baby bottles from little babies (now that is just mean!)

Two people in love at the waterfront. It’s easy to take photographs of strangers when you on vacation in a beautiful place, because everyone assumes you are pointing the camera at the beautiful landscape, and not them.

The Waterfront

A cozy city, curled up amongst the mountains, and surrounded by lakes and tropical farms.

We made a day trip to the infamous Robben Island. Home to prisoners and outcasts. They lived and died here.

Robben Island was also where Nelson Mandela spent 15 of his 27 years in prison. This was his room. We were given a tour of the compounds by an ex-political prisoner.

A photograph of the young Nelson Mandela.

A classic view of the iconic Table Mountain from Robben Island.

sup?

Penguin watching at Boulder Beach.

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Breathtaking.

A completely unforgettable experience.

I hope you enjoyed my photographs, and there will be more to come.

With love,

malavika

To my new followers, I recently returned from a 2 week vacation in South Africa (and a couple of neighbouring countries). Here are some of the photographs from my time in Johannesburg, South Africa.

We were only in Johannesburg for a short time during our stay. As a city, it was one of my least favourites. It was quite dirty and at times, industrial. Johannesburg also has a very high crime rate, so it wasn’t safe for us to be in the city at certain times. Or so they say…

Instead, we took some hotel-organized tours to the local Lion park to play with the little baby lion cubs.

The resort we stayed at was covered with the most beautiful, brightly coloured roses.

We fed the giraffes. Giraffes have prickly tongues, deep eyes, gentle souls, and when they run, it looks like everything turns into slow motion.

I think they were drugged in order to make this experience possible for us.

My brosef and I.

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Stick around for adventures and photographs from; Cape Town (my favourite!!), Zambia and Botswana, as well as articles that I was inspired to write while I have been away.

Once again, thank you so much for subscribing. I hope to make you want to hang around!

With love,

Malavika