How to make everyone in the world like you

Do you want to be liked by everyone in the world? Here’s what you need to do for each and every person you want to be friends with:

Read on::

You can build your personality

When our life has gone to sh**, if you are the kind of person who possesses any small kind of self-awareness, you tend to start thinking about making some changes. We think about changing our jobs – because we’re miserable there and it doesn’t give us the growth opportunities we are looking for. We think about changing our diet, our relationships. We want to implement new habits and quit bad ones, like quitting smoking, and not drinking as much. We decide we need to change our friends, our house, our hair.

And while all these changes are admirable and deserving – and will undoubtedly create some form of ripples in your life, I think we can dig a little deeper…..

How to get grounded Series: Get emotionally grounded.

This is an oldie but a goldie. I wrote this post in 2010 and it is about the timeless nature of getting grounded.

I decided to re-write and repost it.

I use the word “grounded” a lot, and to me it means: getting real with yourself, and maintaining balance and harmony. You don’t have to be in a “stable life situation” to be grounded. Being grounded comes from within, and though it can be impacted by outward circumstances, it does not have to be. It is not a pre-requisite. You can go through a painful divorce, or a stressful period at work, and still be grounded. It’s going to be harder (than doing it when you’re on vacation – for example), but it is possible.

There are three general areas in our life that we can be grounded (or ungrounded): emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Usually when one of them gets a little bit out of whack, the other two also tend to follow. It kind of sucks that way. But that does also mean that if you start making improvements in one area, you will feel little changes in other areas too!

Getting emotionally grounded gives you more happiness.

Getting spiritually grounded gives you more strength in sense of self.

Getting  physically grounded gives you more vitality and energy.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking..hmmm now how do I get me some of those?

Today we are going to talk about getting grounded Emotionally and how you can do it.

Read on to find out how to tell if you are Emotionally ungrounded….dun dun dun!

10 truths of having a strong sense of self.

This is a post I’ve been meaning to publish for a long time as it is a personal one for me. It’s something I am putting my focus on at this point in my life. It’s all about developing a strong sense of self. When I think of a strong sense of self, I think of emotional maturity. I see it as a strong beam of light from within me – instead of a flickering flame. Over the course of a few posts I will explore 10 truths of having and maintaining a strong sense of self. In this post I want to describe each one briefly, and in the following ones I will go into some other ones in depth with specific things we can do to achieve them! Wow, haven’t I got so much fun lined up for you

What we need to develop is a strong sense of self. A powerful inner strength that resounds from somewhere deep within you.

You have a strong sense of self when:

4 Random insights on happiness I am learning as I go

Here are 4 random insights of happiness that I am learning as I go. “Learning as I go” because I will be the first to admit that I have yet to master them (working on it!). “Random” because they are in no particular order, neither are they related to one particular shade of happiness. Life throws me many lessons all the time, and they are rarely structured and follow some kind of syllabus. It’s random. It’s a little bit of everything.  This is what I am learning today.

♥ You have to commit to your life.

My lovely friend, life coach and intuitive, Sue, said to me “Malavika, you must commit to your life.”

This is me and Sue.

She’s a pretty awesome lady, who raised a pretty awesome point. I started wondering what it means to really be committed to your life, and what does it feel like when you’re not? Who do you become if you are not committed to your own life?

Being committed to your life means taking onboard a new project: project you! Are you putting first things first in your life? Are you taking the time to educate yourself, both about the world and also about yourself (you little mystery, you!)? Are you engaging in relationships that add value and nourishment to your life? Are you pursing hobbies just because you love doing it? Are you doing what is important to you? Are you finances where you would like them to be, and if they are not, are you in the process of doing something about it? Are you in a job that you love, and if you are not, are you considering why you don’t enjoy it or what your options are? Are you studying as hard as you would like? Are you seeing the results you want to see? Are you in a relationship that you actually like being in, or are you wasting your time in something wrong for you just because you are scared to leave? Are you doing things that frighten you a little bit? Are you stepping outside your comfort zone? Are you taking part in your community in a way that makes you happy? Are you taking time for yourself? Are you acting on all your creative urges? Are you taking the initiative? Are you okay with saying no to other people’s demands on your time and energy? Are you putting in a good effort into a relationship with someone that you love? Are you investing time, money and energy into making yourself looking and feeling great?

These are all things that someone who is committed to themselves would do.

These things are not things that would be at the expense of someone else (no one would be seriously disadvantaged if you took the time to do these things), but not doing these things would be at the expense of yourself.

You know, no one else can do these things for me. Only I can. If I don’t do them, these things don’t happen.

If you want to be happy, you have to commit to your happiness, and all aspects of it. There is more to us than the job we have or the roles we play in our day to day life. We have to take the time to nurture ourselves

♥ Don’t make your happiness contingent on how you think things should be.

One lesson I have learned this year is to not make my happiness contingent on how “I think things should be.” We always get exactly what we need. We get the situations, relationships and challenges we need to learn more about ourselves, and to help us grow.

Rather than thinking “Oh my god, this can’t be happening” (because guess what sister? it can and it is!) try to replace that thought with “Wow, I wouldn’t have expected this to happen but it is, and like every other thing that has happened in my life – it will serve it’s purpose as an opportunity for me to grow.”

Life rarely goes exactly to plan. But life is perfect because life is exactly what you need.

If you expect to only find happiness where you have decided to look when you were 6 years old, you will be disappointed a lot. If this is something you are okay with, go ahead.

I find that when I release these stubborn thoughts I have about “how I need to live my life” I will find myself suddenly living my life the way I need to, and not just theorizing and conceptualizing it.

I work very hard these days to remain open to all kinds of possibilities in every facet of my life. I try to keep my expectations high (but not limited to just one way of reaching it), my vibration up (in alignment with the best of the best), my feet grounded and my heart open.

If something is not going to “plan” in your life, take a moment to try to shift your persepective. What if this was the plan? Maybe it wasn’t your plan, but what if it is THE PLAN? What if this is exactly that is meant to happen? What if nothing was “wrong” or “broken” or “misguided” about your life right now? How could you approach situations, circumstance and relationships in a more open way, if you knew this was true?

When you are open to your life, beautiful things begin to happen.

♥ Your partner is not necessarily responsible for your feelings of intimacy or lack therof.

Relationships are cyclical by nature and we go through periods of Intimacy, conflict and withdrawal These are the three states of mind in any relationship. It is a natural process and no matter how happy you are together and what a hottie your boyfriend/girlfriend is, or how close you usually are with your best friend, you will eventually transition into phase 2: conflict.

In the intimacy stage, your honey has deposited enough love units into your love bank to trigger an intimate response. You feel close and cuddly. You want to do things for your partner. You do anything you can to make them happy and whatever you can to avoid their unhappiness. Because both people are more concerned about meeting your partners needs, both your needs are fulfilled. The trust begins to build, you feel safe to feel emotionally vulnerable, you share all parts of yourself, and wouldn’t even think of hurting eachother because at this time, hurting your partner would be the same as hurting yourself. We start to give unconditionally. When your partner has a need, we rush to fulfill it without expecting anything in return.

Bad habits can develop during this phase because we tend to “look past” them, but as we all know, when bad habits have been around for a while – it becomes very hard to change them. Over time, because we tend to fail to negotiate terms that benefit both partners during this stage, it tends to drive into the next stage which is conflict.

And after conflict, comes withdrawal. And after withdrawal comes intimacy.

Don’t take this personally.

Over time, we can learn to spend more time in intimacy and work through the other phases of conflict and withdrawal more naturally and with less resistance.

This cycle has nothing to do with you, or your partner. We just invent reasons to make us believe that we are justified. We are in “Conflict” now because we don’t agree about something (even if this something is very insignificant in the grand scheme of things). We are in “withdrawal” now because you hurt my feelings.

In reality, I think it’s very easy to be with somebody. You just be with that person. You just love them, whether you “Feel like it” or not. It’s just something you do.

No matter how you are feeling about this person, if you want a love to last, love them anyway. This goes for all intimate relationships. If you are disappointed in your boyfriend, be a loving girlfriend anyway. If you are angry at your father, be a loving daughter anyway.

No body, including yourself, needs to be punished for the existence of these three phases. No one has to be at blame, and you can cut yourself some slack in realizing that you don’t even have to go around searching for reasons to validate your conflict or withdrawal. If a real and lasting love is what you want to create, then these phases become background noise. All you need to focus on is the love, and continue to act in love.

Because love is not intimacy. And love is not conflict. And love is not withdrawal.

Love is just love. And love is not a feeling. When we start to believe that love is a feeling, we will be terrified at the thought of it coming and going away, because that’s what feelings do.

So to summarize, if you want to create a love that lasts, you have to be the love that lasts, whether or not you feel like it or not. Recognize the natural harmony and cycles of your relationship, and don’t take it personally.

♥ You only have to deal with challenges that are happening right now.

Konstantin said (Wow, I’m quoting him on nearly every post I write now…geez!) that it is unnecessary to put all your energy into worrying about what problems “could” come up in the future. Instead of thinking of all the different scenarios, versions and possibilities and emotionally preparing and executing mental attacks on these fantasies– is kind of a waste of energy. He said “Right now, I can solve any problem that I can face. But do I need to prepare for all of them?”

(Then he added “Especially since my biggest problem is coming back in 2 months.” – since I’m returning back to Ireland in August. Aww what a cute jerk!)

I think he brings up a very valid point. Synonymous to “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”, I think that a great way reduce in-the-moment-stress is to only deal with problems that may be happening now.

As you efficiently deal with what you can deal with right now, you will allow your days to pass and your life to move forward on the path you have chosen with your guided intentions and decisions you make today. As you move forward, you will encounter new things that you will need to work through – and it’s very hard to predict what these things may be. We cannot know what tomorrow will bring for us, but the best way to be prepared for tomorrow is to by making the most of today. If you are not making the most of your todays, you will not be prepared for your tomorrows.

 

Your business: You are the product.

I started my work when I was 18 years old, although I probably wouldn’t have called it a “business” back then – but that’s what it was and that’s what it is. The whole creative process generated such a huge learning curve for me – and I realized how much fun it can be to commit yourself the most important project of all in your life – project you!

As time went by I realized that my business gradually transformed into my brand – and our brand is a very integral and important part of our business. My business coach Heather White defined brand as what people say about you when you are not in the room. What do you want your brand to say about you? What are the three qualities or attributes you want yourself and your work to embody – that you want people to associate with you and your product?

When I started my business I sometimes would worry about attracting clients or even the right kind of clients. There are so many “unknowns” in the creation of your business. How will I get the right number of clients every month? How will I attract the right kind of people to work with me? How will I make enough income every month?

All these questions have one answer.

By being great at what you do, and having a great product.

If you are great at what you do, you generate consciousness and confidence. People are drawn to this.

By having a great product you will believe in your own self, and you generate faith and belief. People dig this too.

(And it would be redundant to mention that also, by having a great product people will obviously love it because it’s….great and it works and people need it!)

These are the only two things you need to ever concern yourself with in your business. EVER. All the other growth tips are great to garnish your business but should never be used as a substitute for the actual product.

If you feel like you are not attracting enough people/the right kind of people (because lets face it, every business needs people to survive and thrive) you need to ask yourself if you are

1. Doing great work.
2. Maintaining a great product.

If you are not doing great work – what can you change about your process? You need to be the best at what you do, because people seek out the best. If you are not the best, you’re going to be overlooked – even if your product is pretty awesome.

If you are not maintaining a great product that you believe in – ask yourself why you are trying to sell what you are trying to sell. If you can’t improve it and make it great, then maybe its time to find something you really do believe in.

And if you are doing both these things and you’re still wondering why the heck people haven’t found you – keep faith, because it’s just a matter of timing.

I remember when I hosted my first ever workshop when I was 19 – a year after I had started giving readings. I worked so hard to develop the content because that was my primary concern. 6 people came to my first workshop and I was delighted. It certainly wasn’t a crowd but I was comfortable because I knew I had something good to give. I believed in my product.

It was held in my living room and my mom made food for everybody. It was intimate and welcoming for me. This was the first step.

I was never disheartened, even though in my heard I knew that one day I wanted to talk in front of big groups of people (because that’s what I like to do – sharing ideas + public speaking = love). All I knew was that this was my first step and as long as I was the best at what I did, that I offered a great product and great service to people – then the only direction to go from here was UP.

I never faltered with my product and my service. I am my own biggest (loving) critic. I set a high standard for myself and believe me, I am the first to notice if I am dropping below par.

Overtime my workshop numbers increased. In my last workshop over 60 people signed up and I was able to hire a chef to cater the event. I even had a projector and a powerpoint presentation, y’all! The local metaphysical store sponsored me, and provided great material for the workshop. Everything came together seamlessly and I was full of gratitude.

When you can be confident about your product and your service, you notice that people are magnetized towards you. They want to know you. They want to buy your product. They want to listen to what you have to say. They want to support you. In this regard, it is a totally effortless process. The only place where some effort has to be inputted is in the generation of the product itself. But even that’s easy if you believe in it yourself.

If you have a great product and if you are good at what you do, people will look for you. The universe will practically set up your business for you.

It’s that simple.

A successful entrepreneur realizes that not only do they have a great product, but they are ALSO part of the package deal. You are the product. Whatever you are selling or trying to put out into the world, given the size of the world – there’s likely to be a few other people selling a similar or if not – exactly the same – product or idea. So what makes you different?

Well, you make you different.

Use that. Own that.

And don’t forget to enjoy the creative process, because you are doing something you were born to do – create! Enjoy creating and recreating yourself and your product until you find something that totally fits.

And then go out into the world and sell the best version of yourself. Because YOU are the product.

m

xo

The problem with dreaming big.

The problem with dreaming big – well it’s usually somebody else’s problem. Have you ever noticed that? So perhaps a more correct title for this post should be “The problem with other people’s problem with you dreaming big”.

If you can dream it, you are expressing a part of your true potentiality. Every dream and every thought has the potential to manifest as a reality.  So, if you can dream it, you can do it. But will you do it? Well, that depends on a number of things, but in the end it all comes down to you. Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t.

But potentiality is potentiality. Don’t put a ceiling over yourself. And definitely don’t let someone else do it for you.

So what’s the big deal about dreaming big? What’s the “problem” with it?

It’s someone else’s problem.

Who doesn’t believe you could do it? Tell me. I’ll kick their butt.

Just kidding! (seriously though, I could!)

There’s a quote “The one who thinks it cannot be done should not interrupt the one who is doing.”

Next time you are the recipient of some unrequested disempowerment, criticism and “I don’t know why but I just don’t think you’re gonna be able to pull that one off!”-ness, I want you to really ask (to yourself or out loud) “Excuse me, but who are you?”

Seriously, who is this guy? This guy who believe they know you to the full spectrum of your awesomness and potential. Someone who knows exactly what is and is not possible in the universe. In your universe.

This person to me does not seem like an expert to me. When I meet someone of this type, all I see is somebody who has their own personal reservations about their own life, and their own big dreams.

A true expert inspires others. A true expert will never make you feel like you can’t do something. No matter what that something is. Some one who is truly an expert at what they do does not suffer from scarcity thinking. They realize that there is enough talent to go around. They realize that there is no shortage of good things, good luck, or world-rocking personal accomplishments to go around. Everyone can have some! A true expert just does what they do without worrying about putting you down, or offering unhelpful criticism (criticism that doesn’t really tell you HOW to improve). A true expert will inspire you to reach your big dreams, because their dreams don’t cast a shadow. A true expert can always help you because they have unlimited resources because they got soul, yo.

 

How to be confident

Confidence is our birth-right. It comes with our soul’s capacity to fulfill our life purpose. It’s sort of a package deal, but sometimes we seem to pass up on the opportunity to be naturally confident – and then we spend the rest of our life reading self-help books, and awesome blogs like this one, trying to figure out how to get it back. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I used to have major confidence problems. It kind of comes with not loving yourself, and when you’re 16 and confused, it becomes very easy to stop loving yourself. You know that feeling when you do something really embarrassing infront of a group of people (or even just one person) and you really wish the earth would swallow you up? Yeah, that was me – all the time. When I see people walking down the street with their head held down, I just want to look at them and say “Wow, you have NO idea who you really are.”

So, can you get confident? Yes! Everyone can. But you have to do it the right way. There are two components of true self-confidence: inner confidence and outer confidence. You can’t have one without the other. So don’t even try it, missy. If you work simply on your outer confidence (the tangible confidence that everyone can “see”)  and neglect the inner work, you run a high risk of being deemed arrogant and cocky, and as if that’s not enough – everything you do will just feel so fake and unstable. You gotta do things the right way. If you do things half assed- you only half get away with it.

So does true confidence take a long time to develop? Well, it depends on how easy you find the “inner confidence” work. You must also realize that it won’t happen over night – not true confidence anyway. It’s a process, a lifestyle change, but if I can do it, you can do it too!

So, let’s get started with your inner confidence. Many of the steps here will radiate into your outer confidence and only heighten the worlds experience of you.

Inner confidence (your inner rockstar)

Think positive thoughts about yourself, your circumstances, your friends, your environment.

I’m not saying you have to be little Miss/Mr. Sunshine all day every day, because hey, shit happens. All I am saying is that you have to get in the habit of expecting positive things from your life. That yeah, you may have a bad day, or a bad week, but that does not define you. This means getting comfortable with knowing that even if things are not great now, they definitely will be. This means knowing and feeling completely supported by the universe. This means having the pure faith and belief that good things happen to you all the time.

Own your darkside.

Inner self confidence is almost synonymous with self-awareness. Leaving your fears, ego issues, hates, hurts and booboos hidden in a steel box in the dark crevices of your mind is no good. Someone’s gonna find it and someone’s gonna call you on it – so get to it first! What do you have to hide? What hurts the most? What stings? Take it out, look at it, learn your lesson, accept it, and move on. You ain’t getting any prettier just carrying it around all day, you know. Being confident doesn’t mean you have to be an open book for everyone to read, but it means you have to have at least read it yourself. You have to have at least checked it out a couple times from the library of your soul. Own your fears, or someone else/something else will, and you cannot emanate confidence from the core of your being if you do not own yourself first.

See this link for more information on this: http://malavikasuresh.wordpress.com/2010/08/28/how-to-own-your-dark-side/

Learn to love yourself.

It sounds so easy typed out! “Learn to love yourself” – just four little words, but these words will take you on a lifetime journey if you truly let your life embody them. I don’t mean just looking at yourself in the mirror and  thinking you are “kinda okay”.  I mean that you need to create a mind that you can bear to live in. And a skin you feel comfortable in. And a soul purpose that drives you to love everyone and everything.

You need to LOVE yourself so much that you would want to date yourself if you could. Basically, you need to start treating yourself like you would treat the most special person in your life. With love, respect, cuddles, treats, compassion, understanding, and unconditional undying support.

Be independent

It is so easy to become dependant- emotionally or physically. Who is giving you more than you think you can give yourself? What is it, and how can you start giving it to yourself? Is it money? Is it food? Is it a home? Is it love? Is it support? Is it understanding? Is it …confidence? Start doing more for yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Get in control of your finances. Get all your ducks in a row.  Now!

Make your own decisions

Have you noticed that if someone makes all the decisions for you, you start looking to them for validation, support and ultimately approval for all the things that you do? If you want to start levelling up your inner self confidence, you need to kick this habit and start making decisions for yourself. You’re a big girl/boy and I know you can do it. No one knows you better than you. Hold your own counsel. Sure, ask for advice (And I always encourage this) but at the end of the day, feel confidence in the fact that YOU are the one calling the shots. Start making your own decisions today – whether that be where to go for lunch, or what you want to do with your life – because hey, you’re the one who’s gonna eat the lunch and live your life.

Figure out your life purpose

Nothing screams confidence like believing that you are important and knowing that you have a very important purpose to fulfill. A child who is taught this from a young age will always go far in life. This simple belief is enough to give you a really huge reason to be confident. If you don’t believe you are here for a reason, that you don’t have important things, what else could be a worthy cause for your self confidence? Confidence without this principle – is empty. Figure out what you want to do, and start doing it. And if you don’t know just yet (that’s okay –it takes time – enjoy the ride!) then start feeling confident that YES you are important and YES you do have worth and the world can’t WAIT to see what you have to show us.

Outer confidence

Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it only works for outer confidence –but it sure works like a charm. Even if you don’t FEEL very confident, pretend that you are, and watch how your body shifts. It might be kind of awkward at first, but I promise you that if you keep doing this, over time, it will become a natural way of being for you. Always ask yourself “what would a CONFIDENT person do now?” and respond appropriately. Remember we are re-programming your mind and habits here, so let’s start implementing some new habits that will work better for you!

Check your posture

A good posture is a great marker for a confident person. Stand tall. Shoulders back. Stand up straight! Don’t slouch. Watch your posture. At first it’s going to be quite annoying to keep shifting your posture, but as with anything, the more you do it, the more fluid it becomes, so get at it.

Speak positively about yourself, your circumstances, your friends, your environment.

Nothing screams “I don’t like myself!!” like someone who complains. When you meet somebody (especially for the first time), please do not display your dirty laundry. You don’t have to tell people why you are broken, defected, not as you appear to be, and you don’t have to give them the latest run down your past relationship failures and all the bad habits you acquired this last year. Think highly of yourself, and speak modestly but positively about yourself! If you’re at a party and having a sucky time, and someone asks you what you think of the evening, do not say “It sucks! I’m so bored.” It might be witty, funny, and maybe strike up a conversation, but the person will probably eventually go elsewhere – why? Because people like happy people. People like happy people EVEN in lame places! And besides, friendships and relationships created from a foundation of commiseration is never a good one.  So I’m not saying you have to lie and say “Oh my god! BEST PARTY EVER!!!!”, but you can smile and say “I’m having a great time thank you, and how about you?” Why? Because you’re confident and confident people do not let a lame event phase them in anyway. It doesn’t even hit the radar.

Look your best, all the time.

I don’t care how comfortable you are in your pjs – there’s a time and place! Dress up for your life. Show up! Be excited. Look hot or handsome. People are naturally drawn to those who look the part.

Treat everybody well, no matter how they treat you.

Confident people are not really phased by how people treat them, because they are instead focused on the quality if their own interaction to people. Treat everybody well, with respect and kindness – no matter how they treat you.

Those people who bitch excessively, complain, or talk lowly of other people do not come across as confident to me. When I encounter someone who radiates confidence, and then they later start badmouthing something or someone, I instantly take them away from their pedestal. Suddenly they seem so “average”. Don’t be average. Stand out by setting an example of excellence and integrity. Truly confident people don’t waste their time badmouthing people. They make changes.

Focus on others.

It is a common misconception that confident people are all “me me me!” Truly confident people never focus solely on themselves. They focus on the wellbeing of those around them, and when you do that, the world turns into a giant mirror and reflects all that good karma right back to you. A person who focuses on themselves is an example of arrogance masquerading as confidence – and arrogance is confidence without the innerwork. A big no no.

Learn how to accept compliments

Always react appropriately. Do not reject compliments, and do not feed on them for hours either. Let them come and go. Show gratitude. Smile. Be natural. Feel your heart expand. Show love. Then, let it go. Rejecting a compliment shows people that you don’t think that the good things they are saying are true – which causes people to rethink their compliment. And feeding on their compliment for hours, days, weeks, shows people that you probably lack the inner work.

Slow down your movements.

Do you ever find yourself rushing along your day, not taking the time to truly take slow, long strides, and really enjoy it? Well, start doing that! Slow down your movements. Look around you. Smile at strangers. Walk to a beat. Doing things slowly tells me that you don’t need to RUSH to get things done. That everything is under control, and you know exactly what you are doing.

Know what you are doing.

Have a game plan. Never be the kind of person who doesn’t know why they do things. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong, but act with certainty and…the magic word…confidence! Be the kind of person that makes things happen.

*Just a note that I have received and read all of your lovely e-mails and I will be responding to all of them this coming Saturday.

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to all of you. Everything has just been super busy the last few weeks, with settling into my new place. As soon as I get my bearings I will be e-mailing you all. Promise!

12 things I want to teach my children

1. There is no right or wrong, there is only action and consequence.

Rather than following the right or wrong, punishment or reward paradigm, I want to try something a little different. I want them to witness from an early age that their every action has a consequence that they are responsible for. Instead of giving myself the duty of rewarding their good behaviour and punishing their bad behaviour, I will let them do it themselves (am I just lazy? I don’t know). A parent yelling at a child “NO! THIS IS WRONG. I FORBID YOU TO DO THIS AGAIN” has very little effect in comparison to the quiet contemplation of a child, who decides that “Hmm, this didn’t really give me exactly what I was looking for. Let me try something new.”

As a mother, it will simply be my job to nurture their ability to see the long term and short term consequences of their actions. I will take the time to clearly explain to them that if you study, you will get good grades. If you treat your brother with respect, he will respect you back. If you don’t share your toys, people probably won’t want to share with you either. Remember; the consequence should be rewarding or punishment in itself. It doesn’t need my subtitles. 

If my babycakes is frazzled about what to do in some area of their life, instead of telling them what they should do, I will instead ask them what it is that they want in this situation. Once we can see what they want, we can decide on appropriate action to take.

2. You are responsible for every single thing in your life.

This is probably the most important one ever. The worst outcome would be a child who does not believe they are responsible for their own life. And I believe it is up to the parents, in the beginning stages at least, to instil within them, a sense of responsibility and accountability; to teach them that all of these things in their life, both the wonderful and the terrible are there because of and for them. And to teach them that it is because of this that they can change everything, if they wanted to.  

3. Learn how to make yourself happy and make yourself feel loved.

Don’t wait to get approval, happiness, support, love, wonderment, safety, joy and companionship from somebody if you haven’t yet been able to provide those feelings for yourself. Never live your life depending on somebody or something to inject you with your daily dose of happiness and fuzzy love feelings. These feelings come from within. Learn to do things every day to make yourself happy. Learn to do things every day that show yourself you value and love yourself deeply – whatever these things may be for you.

Remember that you hurt yourself the most when you fall out of love with yourself, not when somebody else does.

 4. Believe in something (believe in yourself)

I will never dictate a religious pathway for my children to follow, but instead leave the option open to them. We can grow together without religion if they so please. I will allow them to explore what “Religion” is in our world today and decide if it is something they want to be a part of, or perhaps if there is an aspect of it they like and want to incorporate into their life.

When I say “believe in something”, I don’t necessarily mean “believe in the holy spirit” or “believe in Allah” or “believe in Hinduism”. What I am trying to get across is the power of having a simple belief system in SOMETHING. Some kind of faith.  To believe in the goodness of people, to believe in kindness, to believe in responsibility, to believe in your dreams, and most importantly to believe in yourself.

Everybody connects in a different way, and who am I, as a mother, to define to them how that connection should take form.

I know there was a period in my life when I totally rejected religion and “God”, but it was all part of my process.

Once, during my channelling sessions, the ascended master Krishna came through to me and said “Don’t live to believe in me. Believe in yourself. As a result of this, you will believe in me too.”

 5. Serve others.

I have been told that this is the single most precious joy that we can receive in our lives (though it may not always feel like it.) I want to teach my children to live to serve. To always ask of themselves “What can I do for you/this now?” and to do the best they can.

 6. Be confident.

Be confident. Because, why shouldn’t you be confident. Live your life with vigour and purpose. You are here for a reason. You are important and valued and cherished. You will do great things in your life. If a child believes these things to be true, then why wouldn’t they be confident? The problem with developing confidence is that people want to do the “outer work” (walking with your head held high, attracting people,  public speaking, networking etc) without spending enough, if not any time on the fundamental “innerwork” of confidence – which is to implement positive self-affirmations into your subconscious way of thinking about yourself.

I don’t believe that all children are born world-leaders (although they could do this if they wished), but I do believe that if a child is given a sense of purpose, and security, and encouragement from a young age, they will not be able to help but feel confident in who they are. And this is the most important confidence one can cultivate.

 7. Follow your heart.

Always follow your heart. Listen to your head, but follow your heart. Marry the girl you love. Find her. Knock on her door and tell her that you love her. Chase the career of your dreams. Do what feels good and right and true to you. Make mistakes and learn. Love yourself. Believe in miracles, and create them by following your heart. Do what you need to do. Be impulsive at times. Be adventurous, daring, bold, exciting. Show up to your life! Be fully awakened and present, and experience the ever expanding ecstasy that is trapped in every single moment. Dream big and exciting dreams, and always believe in your hearts ability to love more than you think it can.

 8. Be disciplined and focused.

Be a man/woman of your word. Be the kind of person that makes things happen. The only way to be that person is to be focused and disciplined in your life. Keep your promises to yourself – these are the most important promises that you simply cannot afford to break. Have a schedule and stick to it. Make rules for yourself and live those rules. Define your values and let your life be an example of them. Never let a dream go unawakend simply because you didn’t work hard enough.

 9. Empower others.

I want to teach my children to live their life to empower others. I want to teach them to make every single person who comes to them, leave a little happier, richer, more secure, more empowered, more inspired, more in control, more beautiful, than they were. If we can make just one person happier every single day of our life, imagine how many people who would have changed in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, a life time? Always be a motivator of other people’s dreams, and always make people feel great about themselves. When you meet somebody new, ask yourself “what makes this person incredible and how can I let them know?”

 10. Be kind, gentle, compassionate and loving. Treat everybody with respect.

No other character traits are quite as important.

Be kind. Do lovely things for another person.

Be gentle. Be gentle in all that you do. Every good thing can be done in a quiet, gentle, and humble way.

Be compassionate. Take the time to understand where people are coming from, and that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know. Listen to people. Listen to their story.

Be loving. Learn to love another human being with all your heart and soul. Love with no limitation and no bounds. Show them you love them every day, in your actions, in your speech, and in your thoughts (Trust me, they can feel it).

Treat everybody with respect. Every single person in this world deserves to be treated with respect. Why? Because they are alive and doing this “life thing” even when times get hard. Everybody must be respected. The king, the queen, the garbage collector, the school bully, the homeless man on the street. Every single person is valuable and special and without them, nothing would be the same ever again. Everybody’s opinions deserved to be listened to, and everybody’s will deserve to be manifested.  If you live within this paradigm, you will instantly find that the world supports you in all that you do. You will find that the whole world listens to your opinions, and manifests your every will.

 11. Understand that there is never an excuse for violence.

I wish to teach my children a violent-free life. I will always ask them to choose a non violent approach in all that they do – whether that be non violent communication and non violent action. There is NEVER an excuse to yell (unless there is a train hurtling towards their beautiful mama) and there is NEVER an excuse to hurt somebody with your words, and there is NEVER an excuse to hurt somebody physically. If you do something, no matter how justified you feel, if somebodies feelings are hurt, then you have done wrong. You just didn’t love yourself quite enough to win that argument. This is a hard teaching to follow, as it is so easy and sometimes so scarily acceptable to behave violently to people (even loved ones – especially loved ones.) Anger is a natural emotion but there are ways to deal with anger that are loving and caring. I may not know exactly what they are right now, but we will find out together.  

 12. Work hard and be good at what you do.

No matter how spiritual, kind, compassionate, loving and generous my children are, nothing will supplement the power of hard work. And hard work is hard. But children are champions and can be trained to work hard and to think little of it. Setting a standard of excellence from a young age is vital to being able to achieve a standard of excellence in their later life. I just want to teach them that whatever they do, do it well. Be the best at it. Whatever their dreams and goals are – which I acknowledge may well be (and are welcome to be) very different to mine – all I intend to teach them is to be the best at it. If you want to be a gardener– be the best gardener around. If you want to be a student – be the best student around. If you want to be a daughter, or a son, be the best one.  If you are a husband or a wife, be a good husband, and be a good wife. Don’t half ass things. Be excellent at what you do, and open doors for yourself through the universe.

How to leave a legacy

1. Get clear on your message.

“Don’t ask for what the world needs. Ask for what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”

Let me ask you this; how do you want to change the world and how do you want to do it? You may want to create a world-wide revolution, or you may want to make a somewhat smaller change that affects different people in different ways. Neither is right or wrong, or better than the other – whatever it is – the world needs you to live out your purpose to maximum. This is what you are here to do. People are waiting for it.

So, what do you want to be remembered for? My (amazing) business coach, Heather, asked me once about my “brand”. She defined a brand as “what people say about you when you’re not in the room.” Ask yourself this question. What would they say about you? This is your brand.

And what are you really passionate about? How do you want to change your world? What is important to you? What do you want to be remembered for? When you die, how will the people around you finish this sentence “Oh, she/he was the girl/guy who ________.”

Do you want to empower women? Men? Children? How? Do you want to create a movement to incorporate spiritual living into our day to day lives? Do you want to teach people to do something? Do you want to challenge the way people think? Do you want to spread the beauty of music or art? Do you want to help those dependent on drug habits to find a strength deeper within themselves? Do you want to spread a little love? Do you want to teach people how to use their intuition/their money/ their pain / their relationship with earth and animals.

The list is endless, and there are so many ways to make a difference that will resonate deeply with you. So find yours.

2. Find ways to start living your message.

This is a crucial step. Find ways to start making your message true for you. You’re in the process of creating your legacy – that is exciting! Let your life be a representation for what you believe in. Keep everything you do, say, feel, think in total alignment for what you believe is true. That’s integrity. And people want integrity. People are attracted to integrity. If you do not hold a high standard of integrity in all that you do, no body will want you. So this is why we are putting this step here. It’s very important.

I mean, how much would you believe in me as an intuitive reader if I never really practiced, gave readings on myself, shared my personal experiences and knowledge, or if I never really did my own work – such as a regular meditation and connection with my own guides? How can you teach something you never took the time to really learn and apply? How can you empower people if you have yet to empower yourself? You can’t just talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk too.

So find your walk, wear your best heels (or an equivalent male counterpart shoe. Sorry guys ) and walk that walk! Everyone’s waiting!

3. Be the best at what you do.

“If you’re good at what you do, people will look for you. So, be good at what you do”

Whatever you have chosen to do, make sure you are the best at it. Make people look for you. If you are interested in doing readings, make your readings so unspeakably, jaw-droopingly amazing that people specifically look for YOU and want a reading with YOU. There are many of psychics in the sea, but you’re different. Make it so that people would rather wait a few weeks to get  a reading with YOU rather than get a reading with any ol’ Miss Cleo. I use ‘Psychics’ as an example because it is my own personal experience, but of course it can be applied to anything and everything you do. If you are a doctor, be the best doctor in the world. It might seem hard, but find a way. If you’re an energy worker, be the best energy worker. If you’re a teacher, be the best teacher.

Make people look for you.

Things to avoid:

Never be concerned about how many people look for you, find you, want you, need you or how many clients/followers/fans you believe you should have.

As my guide, Miss Prescot tells me many times – this is not my concern. This is up to the universe to send me the people who are aligned with my intentions and frequency.  My job is to my make my intentions aligned with excellence and my frequency breathtakingly high. All you should be concerned is your content, your message, your legacy and whether or not you are the kick-ass-king/queen of it.

Never try to change people.

It is because of this that I don’t approach random people on the street, and people who are not yet ready for an experience of a reading, and say “Hey, please come and get a reading with me. I’m really wicked-cool!!”

Generally, people know what people want. If they want you, they will find you. People can be very self-determined, and that’s great. If they want something, and I mean, really want it, nothing will stop them from seeking it out. It’s your job to attract those who are ready to seek you out.

Also, by taking a more “they’ll come to me when they’re ready” approach, you send some amazing “I’m confident in what I do” vibes out to the universe, that will eventually draw in more wonderful people, things, situations, and events towards you. It’s a win-win situation.

Don’t try to fix people. They are unfixable and they like it. If they wanted to be fixed, they would come to you and say “please help me!!” or something along those lines. Your purpose is not to change someone’s opinion. What a futile task! You’ll be working very hard, for a very long time, thinking that maybe you’ve changed how one person thinks, and BAM, as soon as you leave the room they will go back to doing what they believe is right.  This is who we are. So instead, work with the people who want to change, who want to see things in a different perspective, and not only will your job be easier (and not impossible), but you’ll have a lot more fun knowing that the people who are in your life are there because they want to be.

Never stop believing in yourself.

As soon as you stop believing in what you do, who you are, and your product  – that’s it – game over. No one wants to use someone else’s trash.

So always believe in yourself, and your amazing gifts, and all that you have to offer, because you are special and perfect and whole and complete and there is so much that you can teach us.

And we’re all waiting for you.

*Note: I made an edit to the post “Soulmates, twin-flames and “the –one””.  Just a little something that I feel really helps string everything together:

Soulmates are a soul-connection

&

Twin-flames are a heart connection.

Love

m