How to win any argument.

My dream:

I was walking through down town Galway (shopping, obviously, duh!) and I heard Miss Prescot talk to me (Miss Prescot is my spirit guide, by the way, for those of you who don’t know!) kind of like a movie voice-over. This is the reality of dreaming 2011. Voice-overs and everything. What’s next, subtitles? (I wouldn’t object to this – I can’t stand watching movies without the subtitles on. And not just “english”, but it has to be “english for the hearing impaired” so you get subtitles for all the sound effects too like “leaves rustling” or “baby crying”. My roommates hate me for it.)

This is what she said:

“Malavika, what do you think happens if, when you are met with fear, insults, pain and anger, and you react with only love and kindness? What do you think happens?”

My reaction was literally “Huh?” It was not related to anything I was doing in the dream. And her voice was booming over me like a voice-over, which I have not experienced in my waking life.

So, I said “Huh?” and she said “You’ll see.” and disappeared.

And then somebody entered my dream who was supposed to conjour up feelings of fear, anger, pain and guilt within me. Just not the kind of person I would want to meet while I’m enjoying a nice sunny day of dream shopping. They approached me and I froze in my tracks, and then I remembered what Miss Prescot told me.

At first this person was angry, and it was clear. They were wanting to attack me, insult me, hurt me, make me feel small.

But I remembered what Miss Prescot said and I felt big.

And I responded with only love and kindness. I smiled. Shook their hand. Told them it was nice to meet them. I deflected any anger and insults with just love and kindness. I asked them if they would like to go get a coffee and talk about it.

If somebody throws an  insult at you and you refuse to take it, to whom does the insult belong to? Certainly not you.

Another thing – when someone insults you – they may think that they are defining you and what kind of person you are, but in truth, all they are doing is defining themselves, what kind of person they are, and how low they are capable of going.

It was a very interesting thought experiment- because what can you really do or say to hurt someone if they only respond with love.

Nothing. You’ve been pwned.

The argument stops being an argument. The fight stops being a fight. You can’t fight with just one person, because you will only hurt yourself.

So next time you find yourself in a nasty confrontation with someone, instead of being mean, just be nice. I’m not saying you have to be fake, but simply choose not to react from a place of fear and pain. Just be neutral and nice. See the other person with compassion and understanding. Respond with love and kindness.

This was a valuable lesson for myself, and I hope this is something I can carry through my day-to-day life!

So how do you win any argument? By responding with love and acceptance.  Besides at the end of the day, what is more important to you; being “right”, or being human?

 

3 thoughts on “How to win any argument.

  1. Michelle says:

    Malavika!!! Thank you so much for this post! It came at just the right moment for me. I met someone today and when I saw them I immediately felt anxiety and fear, but I just smiled and was completely friendly and kind. They were friendly back. This was real life and not a dream but Miss Prescot is right, kindness is the way. I immediately thought of you, thank you so much! Miss you lots and can’t wait to see you back in Kamloops. XO Michelle

    Like

  2. avneeshg says:

    Hi dear

    I kinda face this fear, and anger, and “taking pleasure from the digs” kind of attitude from one of my colleagues on regular basis …. i dont like sitting near him or talking to him …. but I guess I need not react, and just try to be close to my own self that I want to be … 🙂

    take care
    Avneesh

    Like

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