How to get grounded Series: Get emotionally grounded.

This is an oldie but a goldie. I wrote this post in 2010 and it is about the timeless nature of getting grounded.

I decided to re-write and repost it.

I use the word “grounded” a lot, and to me it means: getting real with yourself, and maintaining balance and harmony. You don’t have to be in a “stable life situation” to be grounded. Being grounded comes from within, and though it can be impacted by outward circumstances, it does not have to be. It is not a pre-requisite. You can go through a painful divorce, or a stressful period at work, and still be grounded. It’s going to be harder (than doing it when you’re on vacation – for example), but it is possible.

There are three general areas in our life that we can be grounded (or ungrounded): emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Usually when one of them gets a little bit out of whack, the other two also tend to follow. It kind of sucks that way. But that does also mean that if you start making improvements in one area, you will feel little changes in other areas too!

Getting emotionally grounded gives you more happiness.

Getting spiritually grounded gives you more strength in sense of self.

Getting  physically grounded gives you more vitality and energy.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking..hmmm now how do I get me some of those?

Today we are going to talk about getting grounded Emotionally and how you can do it.

Read on to find out how to tell if you are Emotionally ungrounded….dun dun dun!

What does it feel like to not be grounded? 

It sucks.

Not feeling grounded feels like waking up on the wrong side of the bed of your life. You’re not necessarily always in a bad mood (although, this is possible too) but everything just feels weird and off colour.  The lights are on, but nobody is home. You’re spinning your wheels, but not getting very far. Your emotional compass is broken.

Emotionally….

You don’t feel very stable.

You don’t know how to feel, and often just react on impulse.

Your inner dialogue (the way you talk to yourself in your mind) is not very nice (to say the least).

You find it hard to accept your own feelings or anyone elses feelings.

Suddenly, another persons opinion of you becomes very important.

You get defensive.

You feel indecisive about your life. From big life decisions (should I stay or should I go?) to the smaller, but equally important, ones (What do I want for lunch?). You want to decide, but you just don’t know!

People keep hurting your feelings.

It’s hard to fall asleep/ stay asleep/ wake up.

You think it’s a great idea to think about the most stressful and emotional things right before you sleep.

You feel very sensitive to other people’s moods and energies, often finding yourself riding their mood swings, just trying to keep afloat.

You cry too much.

(**I recently read in the AMAZING 10/10 book “Difficult Conversations – Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen” that “Crying a lot doesn’t mean that you are express yourself too much. It means you don’t express yourself enough.” So true!)

You don’t cry at all. (Whichever is more stranger for you)

You feel stressed, overwhlemed, uninspired, lazy (even though you have a voice in your head telling you to get up and get going – you just can’t make yourself do it.)

Everything that happens to you just feels unsatisfying.

—-

Does anything sound familiar?

Hello, welcome to the world of not being grounded. It isn’t a very nice world and we will not be staying here long.

For me – this is my most difficult area to stay grounded, with my feet planted firmly into the earth. I’m naturally quite an emotional person, and I am very sensitive to…myself. It sounds strange to say it – but I am very sensitive to my own thoughts, feelings, judgements, feelings of being judged, goals, fears etc etc.

It is easiest for me to get out of balance in this area. Knowing this gives me great power because it keeps me aware of what to work on the most. Take some time to think about which area you struggle with the most to keep in shape?

So what happens when you are emotionally grounded?

First of all, go back to the list of all the things happen when you are not emotionally grounded, and flip them around. That’s what happens. You do feel stable. You do know how to feel and don’t act out of impulse. You hold nice beliefs about yourself. You treat yourself well. You get the idea…

Basically, being emotionally grounded is good for you. It’s good for relationships. It’s good (if not ESSENTIAL) to be happy with your partner. It’s good in maintaining a healthy family dynamic.

Most fundamentally, it’s good for actually enjoying yourself. For liking who you are. It’s good for hanging out with yourself and feeling okay with it. It’s good for feeling like a kind, honorable and integral person. Now those are sexy attributes!

I don’t want to be all “floaty” and “conceptual” (though I love to be) about getting grounded, because in reality, it is not floaty or conceptual. There are very real things you can do to get that feeling of whole, and completeness.

And to start feeling real again.

Here are some things we can do to get emotionally grounded. And believe me, I’m right there with you, doing them too.

1. Let go of toxic people, relationships and things

Loser boyfriend, overbearing co-worker, depressing best friend. Smoking, drinking, drugs, binge eating.Whatever. I’m not here to tell you what’s good or bad. It’s a personal choice. You know yourself, and you know what doesn’t feel good for your heart and mind. Let it go.

2. Do loving things

How do you express your love? What does being loving mean to you? For me, it means baking cookies, looking pretty, giving hugs and kisses, listening to a friend, being there for someone, practicing thoughtful gestures, giving sincere compliments, telling someone how you feel, wanting the best for someone, being positive, doing the best for someone, making someone their favourite meal, making yourself your favourite meal, practicing random acts of kindness, smiling, just being NICE!

Find out what being loving means to you and start spreading the love, even if you don’t really feel like it (and if you are emotionally ungrounded, you probably don’t feel like it much.)

3. Practice random acts of kindness

Whenever I want to feel better about myself or my day, I do a random act of kindness. It doesn’t matter what it is. But it means stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something for someone else. It could be a random but genuine compliment to a stranger, paying for someones coffee etc. There are so many and they are an instant mood lifter, and also get your good karma flowin’!

4. Write down a list of what is truly bothering you

Getting emotionally grounded doesn’t mean ignoring what’s bothering you, because your cause for concern may be legit. Write it down. Part of the stress we have comes from not being organized enough. The stress and fear comes from having many “open loops” and unfinished business that you have no way of tracking the progress. Organize your self and your thoughts. Spend some time asking some self-reflective questions to find out what feels wrong.

Take a piece of paper, or open microsoft word, and on the top, write “WHAT FEELS WRONG IN MY LIFE?”

And write.

5. Spend time with a great and happy friend.

You know what’s great? Kat. This is Kat and her boyfriend.

You know what’s also great? Chocolate crepe dates with Kat. Which we have a lot. It’s important to have friends like this who are happy and positive. Who listen to you when you need it and tell you to get out of your funk when you need to.

So find one and connect. And if you don’t have one yet, make one.

6. Hand over your problems to the universe to kick some divine butt!!

Sometimes it’s exhausting and hopeless to think that you have to do all the work yourself. But you don’t have to. Hello divine intervention, how awesome are you?!  The thing with divine intervention is that you have to ask for it, because otherwise your guides and angels will, by default, respect your free will and let you do your thang. But if you need help, ask for it. If you need a sign, some guidance or just a big universal hug, ask for it.

There are many ways you can do this. You could say it out loud “Yo, Universe/Angels/Spirit guides (Whatever you want to call it), please help me with _______.”

You could write a letter or e-mail like I did here.

Or, if you are short for words, just make a bullet point list of the things you wouldn’t mind some heavenly assistance in and leave it.

Let it go. It will be done.

7. Start a new project.

When you are emotionally ungrounded you are not making a very big commitment to yourself. You’re probably not making a commitment to much at all. So, to get started, make a commitment to something. Start a new project. Get those creative juices flowing. It could be to create a reading list and follow it, start going to the gym, learn a new skill, make a scrap book, start a blog. Just start something new. Get interested and interesting again.

8. Think about what YOU want.

Start getting into the habit of being decisive. It might be uncomfortable at first, but after some time you will start to get a deeper and stronger connection to what you really want. Make small decisions for yourself every day. Small ones and big ones. As long as you are the one who is making them.

Think about what you want in your life. And think about how you can finally get on the path to making that a reality.

9. Work on developing a stronger sense of self

Read this post. 

10. Do little things you like doing

What do you like doing? Do it. Little things. Small things. Just get in the habit of doing little things every day that you enjoy. They don’t all have to be extravagent. For me, it’s simple things like making sure I have time to read my book before I sleep, or getting the chance to journal, blog, or review my goals in my “life book” (Am I the only one this lame? Does anyone else have a “life book”?). Other things I do like, buying new socks, getting a latte at a cafe, going for a walk, buy new underwear, put on a facepack, baking, buy new books, get my eyebrows threaded, get my hair done, manicures, pedicures, massages, taking photographs…

That sort of thing. Make a list of little things you enjoy, and try to do one a day for…ever! And enjoy it!

11. Make some new commitments and promises to yourself

As I mentioned before, the problem with being emotionally ungrounded is that you, for some reason, refuse to make a true commitment to yourself. Maybe you’re afraid, or lazy, or discouraged. But that’s the way it is. So, after you start doing some of the other things on the list, after a week or so, start thinking of what promises and commitments can you make for yourself. By this point you will be more up to the challenge.

—-

Have fun with this! I will post the spiritually grounded and physically grounded parts of this series soon so keep watching. I am in the process of doing all of these things right now, because I am so ready to get out of this funk! How about you? What do you do to get out of your emotional funk?

With love,

Malavika

45 thoughts on “How to get grounded Series: Get emotionally grounded.

  1. ukashe says:

    I appreciate you reposting this today, hard to read and identify with the whole list. Amazing how fast we can change sides. The part about asking for divine intervention made me cry, why didn’t I consider surrender to the universal energy? I can get so stuck on finding the answer that I feel hopeless. And honestly, the world won’t end. I just have a terrible attitude because I’m letting my stuck feeling bleed through to my entire existence today. Thanks for the list, the same recommendations I give to those I love, and can’t seem to remember for myself. xx

    Like

    • Malavika says:

      I think that asking for divine intervention is something that many people forget at certain times, including myself. We become too self-important. Whatever feels “Too hard” in your life, is not too hard. I don’t believe we are given tests that we are unable to pass. When it feels “too hard”, I surrender to my guides and angels. And they always help me out in someway. Either circumstances change, or I change. xx

      Like

  2. chilicheesetoast says:

    Great post 🙂 Don’t think I am terribly ungrounded but can sure identify with a few points every now and then….waiting for the spiritual and physical checklist.
    I have been trying to cut down the time spent on net but your blog is making that difficult! So the other day I read through most of the posts (took a lot of hours!) and can now peacefully wait for the new ones only. You have mentioned about how long and difficult your journey was, to reach to the level you are today…psychic-wise you know! And also that you believe knowledge must be shared. So I have a request…..can you document your journey into these blog posts in a more elaborate/step wise kinda way. What did you do, why did you do, who helped you, how much time it took, precautions etc etc. (Like I saw this video on net where they said-you shouldn’t try to activate your chakras on your own without help because the energy can go crazy. true??!) Tough to believe that every one can actually connect with their guides and angels…wouldn’t life be so easy then? And if these people exist, then why aren’t we humans able to connect with them by default?! Like breathing is essential, emotions are essential..no one teaches that to us…should have been the same with this no? Hope you don’t take it wrong way..its always tough to believe such things exist but reading your blog makes it sound more realistic 🙂 So…will you share your step-by-step journey?

    Like

    • Malavika says:

      Ahhh, I’m glad you enjoyed my blog! Sorry for sucking you into the internet…I know what that’s like!
      I am sure I will write a blog post (or a few ) regarding my journey, broken down into steps (as I always do. I love breaking things down!) that most importantly, can be applicable to all my readers – and not just some kind of ego trip for myself.

      I don’t believe what you saw on the internet about not activating your chakras on your own. Neither do I think that what I believe is the absolute truth. It just works for me…I don’t believe in an absolute truth.

      We can connect with your guides and angels by default. This ability is always there from birth. But yes, I understand what you are saying – you can’t connect with them as “easily” as you can phone your friend. It isn’t even something they teach you at school either.
      And just because someone can connect with their guides and angels, doesnt mean that life becomes “easy” by default either. I can’t simply bypass life challenges and loss “just cause”. I have to go through everything. So life can be difficult sometimes. But life can also be great sometimes too. It isn’t anything to do with connecting with your angels. That’s just the way life works.
      But when you can connect with your guides and angels, you can be connected to the bigger picture in a way that is meaningful to you. And that’s whats important.

      I’m sorry that this sounded just like ramblings. It kind of was. You asked a very big questions and requires more of my thoughts. It’s a great questions! Maybe I’ll do a blog post on it one day!

      Like

  3. Ava says:

    This is exactly what I need right now. 🙂 Now I have a term to describe what I’m feeling. “Emotionally unstable” 😛 Can’t wait to try the things you said. Great post, keep it up. xoxo

    Like

  4. Susan says:

    I would love to hear more about your “life book” – it doesn’t sound lame at all, but cool and intriguing. Thanks for all the great ideas and food for thought.

    Like

  5. Rohini says:

    Reblogged this on Random Musings and commented:
    I read this incredible post on being emotionally grounded and it spoke to me in many levels.

    What spoke to me?
    The list of behavioral indicators of being “not grounded”
    • You don’t feel very stable.
    • You don’t know how to feel, and often just react on impulse.
    • Your inner dialogue (the way you talk to yourself in your mind) is not very nice (to say the least).
    • You find it hard to accept your own feelings or anyone else’s feelings.
    • Suddenly, another person’s opinion of you becomes very important.
    • You get defensive.
    • You feel indecisive about your life. From big life decisions (should I stay or should I go?) to the smaller, but equally important, ones (What do I want for lunch?). You want to decide, but you just don’t know!
    • People keep hurting your feelings.
    • It’s hard to fall asleep/ stay asleep/ wake up.
    • You think it’s a great idea to think about the most stressful and emotional things right before you sleep.
    • You feel very sensitive to other people’s moods and energies, often finding yourself riding their mood swings, just trying to keep afloat.
    • You cry too much.
    • You feel stressed, overwhelmed, uninspired, and lazy (even though you have a voice in your head telling you to get up and get going – you just can’t make yourself do it.)
    • Everything that happens to you just feels unsatisfying.

    Why does this speak to me?
    The last two years have been a challenge. I have always been an emotional person, worried about displeasing people and living up to their expectations. I used to keep my balance by leaning on my close friends.
    It is easy to keep your balance when you are in a good place, but when you are not in the best place emotionally it gets all messed up. I have struggled in a new country, where I didn’t have my support system. I don’t have my friends here, and I connected with too many people. Not having a job makes you feel purposeless and you feel like your day is has no meaning, so I end up hiding at home. I have had to study again, against my will because that it my only choice.
    Even now, when I do have a job offer, I worry about why I haven’t started yet, what you get in the way. And then there is a whole new chapter of worry left. My first work stint was nothing short of disastrous- I never got a good review and my bosses never liked me. I am married to a family of over achievers. This just makes me shiver with pressure, what if this job ends up being like my first, maybe I am just not any good in a corporate setting? Does that mean my in-laws will be disappointed with me, does that mean I am the “black sheep”?
    And in the middle of all this, I feel terrible because I am a complete wreck in front of my husband. Since we got married, we have been in a roller coaster of emotions because of all the turmoil.

    What am I doing to get emotionally ground?
    As my New Year anti-resolution resolutions, I am trying to get to a more grounded place, to feel whole and complete. I have been a bit emotional and unpredictable, and being emotionally ground will be good for my relationships. I am not a psychologist, but these are small steps I want to do to make myself feel better.
    1. Now that I have figured out what is really bothering me, I don’t want to expect that I will wake up tomorrow and life will be amazing all of a sudden. I want to take small decisions everyday that make me feel more in control.
    2. I want to build happy memories- plan activities every week that bring a smile to my face- walking around to my favorite places, indulging on my favorite snacks, talk to people who bring positivity and light.
    3. I am not going to try and be a superstar at work; I will just learn how things are done and build relationships.
    4. I am going to try and do more volunteering. Every time I volunteer with kids, I forget about all my worries and I get to a happy place.
    5. I am working on new projects that fuel my passion.
    a. I love cooking and I going to make it more interesting by trying new recipes.
    b. I am trying to read at least one book a month so I keep my mind is stimulated.
    c. I love painting, and I took paint classes last year and it was one of the most exhilarating experiences. I want to work on more art projects. One of my new projects is this cabinet I painted:

    That is my happiness project which I will be working towards. Share your experiences!

    Like

    • Malavika says:

      The happiness project is a great idea, and it is something I have used and continue to use today! Good luck to you. I love your plan (I love all kinds of plans!) and it sounds like a great system of getting you out of any kind of emotional slump. Kudos to you. ❤

      Like

    • Malavika says:

      Is it okay for who to give a tip about whose mind works? Could you rephrase that? I’m not sure I understand.
      As much as I am interested in the art of living courses, I haven’t yet taken one yet, and so I wouldn’t be able to recommend it until I do! 🙂

      Like

      • John Kristian Trønsdal says:

        I really recommend it.I was doing the course of trancedental meditation ,back in 93,in the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi University
        And in 97, I got the knowledge,from Art of Living,how our breath,and the state of our body,influences our mind,and how to relate to it,in the best way.

        It`s a teqnuike,that`s called;Sudharsan Kriya,that can be translated into;Proper Vision Sight.

        Anyway,my experience is, more focus,better consentration,more energy.
        Handling,and how to relate to, bad feelings,in a better way.

        I cant say so much more.
        In a way it`s like explaining to a blind person,how it is to see,or a no-hearing person what music,and sound is like.

        Words are limited.

        Check it out.
        Experience,is definitly a great teacher.
        And it wont harm you.
        I`m pretty shure it will bring you lots of joy,love and a lot more understanding.

        Sincerely,John =)

        Like

      • Malavika says:

        Thank you for the information John. I am quite familiar with the Art of Living, and I definitely do want to try it. I will! xxxx

        Like

    • Carol says:

      Craig- the phlegmatic personality can become too sedentary and perhaps may be what you’re referring to. Typically, the recommendations would include many of the same tips interestingly. In the end, we strive for balance. Hope that helps 🙂

      Like

  6. Morgan Bachner says:

    So, as a teenager living an adult life and going through emoitional struggles I totally related myself with this article. Unfortunatly, i already knew what I was feeling was “ungroundedness.” And your article being very helpful in letting me know Im not the only one who feels this way. You mention not feeling real, thats how I feel, floaty too. But, I feel scared when I feel this way. The lack of control of my body makes my mind scared that I’ll be put in harms way while being ungrounded. Which as you can guess makes me even more ungrounded. Ugh. How can I stop fearing how I am feeling and help myself?

    Like

  7. Diego says:

    Year after year I´ve being aware of this blockage on my emotional body but without knowing how to dissolve it. I´ve tried hard and harder without any results. And finally the surrender came. Yesterday night I´ve asked the divine for help and this morning I´found this terrible an insightful post.
    Right now, right here ,tremendous amount of energy started flowing again. And a lot of tears arises off course.
    The dam is broken.
    Thank yo so much Malavika and God bless you!

    Like

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