According to the Vedas there are 7 stages of the destruction of relationships and family happiness. I will share them with you here today.
This information is from Ayurvedic doctor and guru of Vedic philosophy, Dr. Oleg Torsunov’s newsletter. I call it a horror story because it freaks me out! It shows how easy it can be to get trapped in a downward spiral to unhappiness without even realizing what is going on. After reading this information, I hope that we will be more aware of the warning signs of what begins the destruction of family happiness, so that we can avoid it in our own relationships.
Ignorance causes conflicts in family life
The Vedas say that the primary cause of conflict in family life is ignorance. Both people just don’t know any better. They don’t realize how their intentions, actions and inactions are actually bringing unhappiness, rather than happiness. They have yet to acquire a higher taste of happiness. Because both partners have not taken the time to study how to achieve happiness in their family life, this fundamental lack of special education leads to all kinds of other problems. We need to learn specifically how to achieve harmony in all different spectrums of our life – such as how to develop a rich relationship with society, with our family, with ourselves. If we can learn how to do this, the other causes of conflict that stem from this root, can also be eradicated.
Masculine and Feminine consequences of ignorance
Today I want to share with you the consequences of ignorance in family happiness. Ignorance extends into the family differently in both a masculine and a feminine form. The way a man progresses or degrades is not the same as the way a woman does it, so it also manifests into the relationship in different ways too.
Men who don’t have a conscience and women who lie
A Woman’s anger: Secrecy
The masculine form is lack of belief and faith. The feminine equivalent is her tendency to lie and be secretive. Come on, you ladies know what I’m talking about. When we feel hurt by our partners, we show our anger and revenge by becoming very quiet and secretive. It takes a conscious effort to avoid this – but of course, it is possible, and we should train ourselves to do so. As a relationship falls apart, the man tends to get angrier and angrier, and the woman tends to get more and more secretive. She keeps things from her husband. She starts to live a secret emotional life. She puts her interest, focus and love on other sources (friendships with other men etc), and cuts her husband off from it completely. He has no idea of her secret emotional life, and thus his sense of belief, faith and conscience simultaneously begin to weaken. He may start a secret physical life (perhaps taking on a mistress) and continues to feel angry at his wife. As you can see , we are dealing with the same emotion but manifested in different forms.
A man’s downfall: Lack of belief and no conscience.
When the man in the relationship lacks spiritual faith and belief, he also sacrifices his conscience. When a man has a conscience he believes there will be some form of retribution for his bad actions, and rewards for his good deeds. When he does not have a conscience, he feels there is no spiritual consequences for his actions. He can do the right thing or the wrong thing without much implication. Doing bad things become okay, as long as he doesn’t get caught by somebody. But when a man has a conscience, he tries to avoid doing bad things because he realizes he will always be caught by god, by karma (cause and effect). He also realizes if he does the right thing, then everyone will be rewarded with happiness.
This particular force of disbelief effects mainly men, but can be seen in women a lot these days too, as our roles in society change.
Now the other force that causes the break down of a relationship comes from the woman, and it is her tendency to be secretive and untruthful.
Untruthfulness is a feminine nature – it is our challenge, ladies! The Vedas say that the masculine energy of a relationship is like the seed, and the feminine principles is the water that allows the seed to grow and survive.
A man without a conscience + A woman with secrets =
When a man without a conscience and a woman who is secretive come together, their relationship will fall apart. However, if there is a man who doesn’t believe and a secretive woman, but there is no actual cheating going on between them, then both of them do try to live an honest life, then they have the possibility of being okay. The danger lies when the man begins to develop negative character traits (through his lack of belief) and then attempts to enter into a deal with someone, but without using his conscience. He may attempt to deceive someone in his life, and from that moment, their family will enter the conflict cycles.
Dishonesty in women
A woman can betray her husband in many ways. The most obvious way is if she has an affair with another man. However, there are still more subtle ways that she can cut off her husband to her love- such as if she discusses her relationship problems in public, or if she says bad things about her husband to other people. As soon as she does this, her dishonesty can grow into more serious cases.
The 7 stages of the breakdown of a relationship
The Vedas say there are 7 stages to the development of family life riddled with deceit, secrets and anger.
Stage 1: Subtle betrayal
The first stage begins when the woman discusses her husband with other people and tells them about their personal relationship problems. It is only favorable to talk about your relationship to your mentors and gurus. She can talk to the wife of a wise, good man, and ask her for advice regarding her own relationship. If she wants to talk to a wise man about her relationship with her husband, she should only do it accompanied by her husband. They should all have a conversation together. These rules created by the Vedic culture were made in order to not permit any opportunities to deceive the husband.
Stage 2: Threats
In this stage ignorance begins to manifest into physical form, whereas in the first stage, the relationship basically just built itself on lack of faith and deceitfulness. This stage is primarily a masculine stage. The man begins to get angry and starts to make threats. Because the man here lacks humility, he believes he also has the right to threaten others. This is a form of violence in the relationship. He begins to get rougher and rougher. He loses his trust without knowing why. His ego is strengthened and he is unable to control his urge to threaten and punish. When a man believes in the laws of the universe, he is given the opportunity to trust his partner to trust him. But when a man does not believe in the laws of the universe, he also does not believe anyone else. He can appear to be a little bit rude and rough around the edges. He does not want to hurt other people but simply cannot trust them and believe in them, and so acts in a slightly threatening way because he believes that they will betray him.
When he does not trust others, he begins to make threats of varying degrees. The woman in turn, responds to these threats with more deceit, because she does not like this rough behaviour of her husband, and does not know how else to protest to it. She can begin to cheat.
It can also happen the other way, where the man becomes deceptive, and the woman begins to threaten him and give him ultimatums. This is also possible in our society today when women are fighting for equal rights.
Stage 3: Man’s greed and Woman’s manipulation
In this stage, the man begins to develop another destructive force – greed. This is also another natural consequence of a lacking conscience. It stems from his selfishness. He becomes too attached to the things he likes, because he cannot control his feelings. He forgets about how other people might feel about his actions. He starts thinking from a “I don’t care what you need to do to be happy, I just care about how I can be happy” – so he stops thinking about his families interests. And so begins his greed.
The feminine destructive force is a ruse; her tendency to do things to trick or deceive someone- to engage in manipulative behavior. This obviously also increases conflicts in her family.
The woman finds that she just doesn’t know how to protest her husbands rough behavior. His lack of belief, his greed, his selfishness, his carelessness, his threats become too much for her. She finds it hard to do act this way back to him, due to her feminine nature, so instead, she does what she can – she manipulates him.
*As I mentioned a few times already, it can also happen the other way now in our society, as gender roles change and shift*
Stage 4: Anger and jealousy
In this stage, the man begins to develop feelings of anger, and the woman begins to get jealous. She becomes jealous of her husband, jealous of his attention to their children, jealous of other people etc. This jealousy and envy spoils her relationships between her and her family. It also spoils her relationship with other people. Envy and jealousy create gossip, and anger produces bad behaviors. Conflicts get worse and life in the family begins to feel miserable.
Stage 5: Fights and mean words
By the time the couple get to this stage, many fights start to manifest in their relationship. Fighting is generally a masculine quality, whereas harsh words and mean insults are in feminine territory. A good woman knows how to talk to her husband softly and gently, she knows how to talk to her husband. But in this stage, no one knows how to talk to each other. She is rude to him, insults him and puts him down with her words, and begins to resist and fight her. If there is physical abuse within the relationship, this is the stage that it is likely to emerge. Family life begins to feel intolerable.
Stage 6: Loss and fear
The man is usually the active principle of the relationship, he is usually the one who makes the family stable, rich etc – so in this stage the man usually does not bring stability to his family life, or somehow the family loses their funds, or the man simply does not make the money for his family in an honest way. Because of this, the family begins to fall apart in another dimension too. It is in this stage that the family begin to experiences losses of all forms.
There is also a woman’s influence in this stage of the breakdown. The woman, in general, is responsible for filling her family with a sense of emotional stability, satisfaction, well being and happiness, however after the influence of the fighting and mean words exchanged between the couple, the woman begins to spread fear energy and everyone in the family is under the influence of this energy. In this stage, the family undergo loss and suffering. They feel that nothing good can live long in their family life. Even the material accomplishments.
Stage 7: Pain and degradation
This is the final stage of the breakdown of a relationship. On the male side – the man develops a tendency of suffering and pain. He gets into situations that cause illnesses, accidents, and he suffers. He suffers from the emotional pain of seeing his broken relationship with his family, with his friends, with his wife and with his children. He starts drinking, smoking, and eventually cheating on his wife.
The woman, on the other hand becomes very pessimistic and depressed. She begins to cheat emotionally and/or physically on her husband, she desperately looks for someone who will listen to her.
As you can see the consequences for ignorance of family happiness is almost unbearable. The man will experience physical and mental pain, and the woman falls into a deep depression. The only way to overcome these stages is to learn how to acquire a higher taste for happiness. To educate ourselves on the correct type of love and happiness and how to bring this love and happiness into your family. I will share with you what I learn as I go along, because this area is very interesting for me 🙂
I wish you a lovely day.