Forgiveness is not a feeling.

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In life we can get our emotions and energies in all kinds of tangles. Forgiveness is the release of a karmic knot.

It is a release. But it’s not something that be taught. It is not something you can read about, then close your eyes tightly and will yourself to do. Feelings are thick and heavy and gooey, they take time to be shifted, to move, to change direction. If you are waiting for a moment where you “feel forgiving”, it won’t come. Because forgiveness is not a feeling. Peace is a feeling and you will feel that when you forgive. Forgiveness is a force  and “force” means that it requires some action, some movement in a certain direction. It is a direction of living.

Look at the areas in your life, the spaces in your soul that need to be healed. Take some time. Take a day, take a week. Take some time to understand that there are things that you need to heal from.

Forgiveness is a force, but we can’t force forgiveness. All we can do is try to live in the direction of forgiveness. All we can do is decide is that healing is important. And you will heal. And you are healing.

BELIEVE IN THE HIGHER PURPOSE OF PEOPLE

It is best to believe that people are good. But there are plenty of lousy things happening in this world that are difficult to digest, difficult to forgive. Try to understand instead that people have a higher purpose. That whatever they do is done out of a (at times misguided – but hey, we’ve all been there) pursuit of happiness. But more importantly, their actions create ripples through life, they bring things to the surface, they set parts of you on fire, they burn, they cleanse, they deepen and open up. They teach.

BEFORE YOU CAN HEAL, BEFORE YOU CAN FORGIVE, WHAT DO YOU NEED TO LEARN?

Before forgiveness comes, there are certain lessons that we will have to come to terms with. Lessons about how life works, and lessons about ourselves.

Nothing is accidental. It served a purpose. He served a purpose. She served a purpose. You served a purpose.

To uncover your lessons, we can try to ask ourselves what the purpose of it was.

FORGIVENESS WILL COME

I can’t explain to you how and when it will come, but it will come. And that’s when you will truly understand that forgiveness was never a feeling to begin with. It is a force that lifts and pushes. And now it has lifted.

And when it lifts, there is a feeling of weightlessness, freedom, peace, our natural state.

TIME

You want to forgive something that has happened in the past. The past is the past is the past. It doesn’t exist in this moment. In truth – it is already forgiven. It is done it is done it is done.
But yet, we carry the knots with us. And these knots stop our energies flowing peacefully, they complicate our lives.
We need to release the knots and learn how to live a tangle-free life. This takes spiritual intelligence.

FORGIVING YOURSELF

This is not a “fluffy” thing. It is a real thing that needs to happen. Forgiving yourself, means taking the time to understand the role you played and what you contributed to this situation. You may choose to share this with people who are involved, or it may be a private revelation.
Contribution is not blame. Blame is heavy and hard to carry. Contribution is enlightening.
We have to start with ourselves, because as long as we hold resentment towards ourselves, we will be unable to forgive another. Everyone is a reflection of ourself. We often react to qualities we see in them that we are not ready to own to in ourselves.

SET YOURSELF FREE

We often look for closure in painful situations and we feel like we can’t rest until we know why someone has done something painful. In reality, sometimes we can never really know why someone has done something, and we have to settle for believing that they did this because they believed this is the right thing to do, or that this would bring them happiness – even if there were consequences. Sometimes we have to be okay with these explanations.

BRAVERY

Forgiving another takes bravery. It means dismantling a part of yourself that has been bruised and hurt, that you have believed in probably all your life. It means feeling more naked than you have been before. But in reality, you are setting yourself free, you are lightening your load, you are removing your armour.
It takes courage. It takes true grit.
But this means you are one step to being more authentic, more natural, more free.
Forgiving yourself takes courage. “Every saint has a past, and ever sinner has a future.” You can choose to live your life in a different way today. If you find it difficult to forgive yourself, keep trying to take a step forward and live life in a way that aligns with how you want to be now, and forgiveness will come.

GUILT IS PARALYZING

Many people live their whole lives in guilt. Guilt can be passed on through generations, through families, through religions.
Living in guilt stops you from giving yourself fully to life and to love. It stops you from moving forward on your spiritual path. Guilt is paralyzing. Living in guilt stops your giving, it stops you creating, it makes it difficult to move forward in life.

AFTER FORGIVENESS

A new energy is released. There is a freshness to life. You are left with peace and unrestricted joy for life.
—-
What do you need to forgive?
Take care,
Malavika

10 thoughts on “Forgiveness is not a feeling.

  1. JoAnn Hempel says:

    Beautiful words….I always enjoy reading your blog. You make “life” sound simple and clear. It’s refreshing…
    Thank you!!

    Like

    • Malavika says:

      Hi Joann! Thank you for your kind words. I think I have always wanted to write about concepts in a clear and simple way, so that we can realize that these things are not just wishy-washy concepts, but that they are are so achievable in day to day life. If spirituality cannot be lived day-to-day, then what’s the point?

      Like

  2. kalisisrising says:

    wow, so timely for me – THANK YOU for putting this thought into such beautiful words. I guess it’s like the airplane adage where the admonish you to put your mask on FIRST before you help anyone else around you, even your children, so really, this boils down to take care of the forgiveness of yourself before you take care of forgiving those around you. Thank you.

    Like

    • Malavika says:

      I’m glad to hear this is what you needed to read at this time. I think its pretty amazing how life always gives you exactly what you need!

      Thank you for taking the time to comment and I wish you the very best in life!

      Like

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