Mother of the world
In September I attended Isha’s Inner Engineering program. During the course, a concept that really permeated deep into me was realizing that I have the capacity within me to be a mother to all beings of this world. This was weeks before I found out that I was pregnant. I am a mother of the world. A mother is creation and nurturing. A mother is your biggest cheerleader, she believes endlessly in your goodness, a mother picks you up and puts you together again when you are broken in a heap on the floor.
When I say mother, I do not restrict this to a woman who has given birth to her biological child.
A mother is so much more than that, and can never be limited to biology.
A mother is energy. The great divine feminine energy.
It is an energy I have always felt drawn to and craved to let it expand within me.
I often reflected on this phrase during my meditations – I am a mother of the world.
I sank into this feeling. Into this sweet deep responsibility of divine feminine – of mothering the world. And once I allowed it to consume me, creating a life, becoming a mother in the biological sense, also became a possibility to me.
Making my pregnancy into a spiritual process
It wasn’t long before I realized that I can’t.
At it’s core, it already IS spirituality. What could be more of a spiritual process than to create new life?
To be home to life.
So, I have come to understand there is nothing I can do to make this process sacred. It is by it’s very nature, sacred.
This is not about romanticizing pregnancy or making it into something special. It is just about allowing it to be exactly what it is. It is about nurturing and cultivating the most beautiful atmosphere within me that new life can grow in.
The way my life has unfolded since the beginning of my pregnancy has been quite remarkable. I attended the Inner Engineering program where I learned the powerful yogic practice of Shambhavi Maha Mudra (blog post coming up!), I then attended a live talk by Sadhguru in Vancouver and I was blessed by his electric presence and touch, and I have completed a full 40 days cycle of Kriya practiced twice a day. All of these things happened before I realized I was pregnant.
Before I came to know I was growing life within me, I had made the silent and internal decision to allow myself to sink deeper into my sadhanas – for no other reason than knowing that this is the only way I can really know life. Life then arranged itself in such a way that certain opportunities to deepen my practices presented themselves to me, and I took it. Looking back, it astonishes and gladdens me that from the moment that this life was born within me, I have been saturated in my spiritual process.
And because of that, I don’t feel that I need to change anything about the way I live in this aspect now that I am pregnant. I only realize that it is more important than ever.
Once I completed the recommended 40 days of Shambhavi Sadhana, I had intended to continue for the remainder of the pregnancy. I had gotten into the habit of maintaining this practice, and following the dietary pre-requisites for it too. However, with the the intensity of morning sickness, the quality of my practice was diminished. I decided to put it on hold until I feel a bit better.
Now that I am in my 16th week of pregnancy, my morning sickness is finally beginning to ease up, allowing me to return to my practices. And it feels so essential that I do just that.The last 4 months have been a period of hibernation. I’m growing life. I’m ready to come alive.